The Armenian Magician maybe, but perhaps the Iceman Ibra or the Preying Pogman. It might even be Ruler Rooney or Magic Martial.
Who ever it is you can guarantee it will be a Rag wank because Sky/BBC will demand it and they will give him some stupid name so that all 659 million wankers can buy a shirt with that written on the back.
And whilst we are at it, maureen will win Manager of the Year, they will win team of the year, one of them will win corner taker of the year before they are all voted fans of the year.
It doesnt matter that Carroll scored a brilaint goal, he is not playing for the Ragshite so his goal doesn't count.