Things your missus does that drive you to despair

How can I make a full meal and there be no mess, but when she makes some toast it looks like Armageddon in the kitchen??....

I feel your pain brother, as I type she's roasting 2 full chickens, so I'll be de-greasing the whole kitchen later, my fingers will be wrinkled to fuck by the time I've done.
 
Absolute beyond help mine. I have made a huge bed for myself.
 
She left a hair clip in my flat. When she next came round, she saw it, then accused me of having another girl round because “it’s not mine I never leave anything here” even though she’s left a hairdryer (i’ll come back to the hairdryer!), toothbrush, small frying pans (I’ll come back to those n’all), even clothes on my maiden that she snook into a wash, and there are hairs everywhere, makeup in the sink, finger marks on every mirror, and more hairs (even pull them out of my arse crack when I’m in the shower, how’s that possible?)

Now, the hairdryer, or as I call it the “noise gun”! Why does she feel the need to use the noise gun when I’m still in bed at 06:00? Is it the worst noise in the world or what?!

And the little pans she’s brought round... when I cook I like to use the chopping board, big knife, wooden spoon and big wok. I like a one-pot meal, it’s easy, clean, less to wash up. When she cooks she’s uses everything in the kitchen and has even brought her own little pans and pots because they’re “cute” and you get lots of little courses. But there is so much to wash up and she is hopeless at washing up. I pull a fork out the next week and it’s still got food on it.

I was single for six years. I LOVED it! Thought id try out a relationship again and now miss being single
 
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She left a hair clip in my flat. When she next came round, she saw it, then accused me of having another girl round because “it’s not mine I never leave anything here” even though she’s left a hairdryer (i’ll come back to the hairdryer!), toothbrush, small frying pans (I’ll come back to those n’all), even clothes on my maiden that she snook into a wash, and there are hairs everywhere, makeup in the sink, finger marks on every mirror, and more hairs (even pull them out of my arse crack when I’m in the shower, how’s that possible?)

Now, their hairdryer, or as I call it the “noise gun”! Why does she feel the need to use the noise gun when I’m still in bed at 06:00? Is it the worst noise in the world or what?!

And the little pans she’s brought round... when I cook I like to use the chopping board, big knife, wooden spoon and big wok. I like a one-pot meal, it’s easy, clean, less to wash up. When she cooks she’s uses everything in the kitchen and has even brought her own little pans and pots because they’re “cute” and you get lots of little courses. But there is so much to wash up and she is hopeless at washing up. I pull a fork out the next week and it’s still got food on it.

I was single for six years. I LOVED it! Thought id try out a relationship again and now miss being single

That really made me laugh. I actually fall asleep to the hair dryer. Once she's woken me up clattering every item of make up on the counter top from whats sounds like three metres high.
 
My domestic goddess has the inability to;

1. Load a dishwasher correctly, pans/ cups the wrong way, tries to get every bit of cutlery into as few of those little squares as possible.

2. Screw the cap of a bottle or carton back on. Whether it be milk, sauce bottle, toothpaste, shampoo, etc. All just 'placed' back in position, waiting for next person (me) to cause spillage.

3. Refuses to learn how to use a computer or phone correctly. When I try to show her, storms off in a huff.

4. 'Me and you need to have a little talk'. FFS, getting stressed writing all this out.
Aaarrrgghhh

How can I make a full meal and there be no mess, but when she makes some toast it looks like Armageddon in the kitchen??....

All women are messy as fuck mate, it's one of the reasons cleaning is their job. At least yours probably isn't capable of giving someone food poisoning with toast.

No wonder Russia are not shitting themselves...Why Should England Tremble? :)
 

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