Friends who just disappear

twosips said:
Happened to me this. Three best mates, me included, and we were relatively inseparable. He got a really strange new GF who barely had any social skills whatsoever - she'd sit in silence regardless of what was said. We (me and his other mate) struggled to connect with his new girlfriend at all. He was still living at home, she effectively moved in but never left his room which caused tensions between his sister/mum and her/him. It was weird behaviour tbf. It kicked off one day and he moved out, next minute we know he disappeared, changed his phone number and he's blanked everyone ever, including his sister and mum since. Four years ago that. Me and my other mate have made countless efforts to track him down and get in touch but he's never returned any calls/letters to his work/emails or whatever.

Just baffling. He cited depression only a few months earlier, saying once that was jealous of what we'd achieved too (my band had just got signed at the time and my other mate got a promotion at his job), which though understandable, cos jealousy happens when mates do well, it was a little harsh as we never threw it in his face. We were incredibly supportive emotionally to him. Things were fine too before it kicked off with his mum/gf. We were v good mates and had been really close as a group for about 8/9 years. He'd been friends with the other lad for 20 years! Really got me down for a very long time when he just upped and leaved. He was close to my family, even just calling round and visiting them even if i wasnt in. He was that comfortable. Even stranger thing is that he worked with his GF too. Spent literally 24/7 with her, which wasn't healthy, especially given she had vague sociopathic tendencies. She totally cut off all access to us through emotional blackmail at times.

He's still with her as far as i can tell and engaged now. Lives somewhere in Manchester but i cant work it out. I've basically given up and i still got messages from his sister whos devastated. She asked me only last week if id heard from him......*gone* just like that. Unsurprisingly, it's learned. His dad did the same to him when he was thirteen...hmm.
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You are one of the Beatles and i claim my £5
 
oman0115 said:
Does this happen to any of you? A friend who I was really close to, saw and spoke to every single day has just dropped me. I'm going through issues and told her and she said she'd be there for me but since then nothing. Whenever I call she doesn't answer, and when I've texted her she's always said she's busy and she'll call me but she never does. It's really upsetting but I've just decided to stop making an effort. What else can I do? Sorry for the miserable thread lol
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Examine your behaviour toward her. Are you expecting too much? Are you coming across as needy and smothering?

You need to realise that it may be you that caused her to break contact. Some people just can't cope with people especially being cast as a crutch.

Look at your problems and recognise they belong to you. You alone will fix them and how you are going about that might project too much pressure on her.

Send her an email because constant calling can seem like harassment and certainly won't do you any favours.

Friends can only do what they can. It seems evident that whatever you wanted from her, she doesn't feel capable of and you need to accept that.

Seek help away from her or anybody and never see salvation as dependent upon anyone but yourself. If you don't do this you will go from one person to the next hoping they fill a hole you need to do yourself.

I hope you get through this a be stronger for it. Good luck.
 
I've ignored Facebook friend requests from people I knew as a kid / young adult.

Is this shitty? I just don't think I've much in common with them anymore.
 
PinkFinal said:
I've ignored Facebook friend requests from people I knew as a kid / young adult.

Is this shitty? I just don't think I've much in common with them anymore.
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I have blocked a few for their political rantings left and right. One fella had a pic of him with his front room adorned with an England flag and 'EDL' plastered on it...'fuck is the fucking un-friend button ffs quick man quick' xD Another felt if i was not a die hard labour supporter ranting to anyone who would listen they are complete bastards if they can't see Corbyn is god. I fucking hate that shit.
 
Worked with a lad (Blue as well) for nearly 15 years back in the late 80's and 90's and we really where the best of mates but when i left the company, i also moved away from the area and we inevitably lost touch.

I found out via facebook just the other month that he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and sadly passed away in April and all without me being able to see him again.

It absolutely cut me up and i will admit to feeling shame about it.
 
It's tough, I've not lost a best mate but my best mate since we were 11 ( we are 38 now ) has just remained 18 and we really now have nothing in common and I find it hard work if I'm in his company for too long
Feel really bad about it and I'll never stop seeing him but that's life
 
There's been two through City. Both got in relationships and stopped going. If they did attend then it'd be there and back because they were under the thumb. Lots of other Blue friends in relationships have agreements with their significant others and it's fine. i.e. No more than two nights away for Europe etc.

I relocated almost a year ago and numerous mates said they'd come and visit etc. I've seen none of them in that period of time except for when I went back there. They were glad to see me but I'm unsure I could call on any for help.

If you have a genuine friend in life then you're fortunate.
 
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