"Are you being served?" Requests from bartender!

C_T_I_D

Well-Known Member
Joined
13 May 2007
Messages
8,674
Please remember to order one drink at a time as we like to run backwards and forwards. It keeps us fit.

When ordering a round please make suure you o not know what you want when you arrive at the bar. We like to stand and wait while you nip backwards and forwards or shout accross the room to find out, although we do generally find that the other people at the bar have been waiting "half an hour" and may start moaning: not your problem.

Once you have received two drinks please take them back to your table and stay for a quick chat before coming back to pay, we'll still be here waiting, we're not going anywhere and we appreciate the rest.

Always order Guiness last, we really want to stand at the bar with all your other drinks while it settles and are particularly pleased when we forget about it and have to be reminded to top it up.

Never put the money in our hands. We like to pick it up off the bar, especially if it's all in change and in a puddle of beer.

Never say "please" or "thank you", it only irritates us.

Always wait until you have been told how much your round is before asking us for crisps, snacks etc and when requiring ready salted crisps please ensure that you ask for the full range of flavours available before picking them. It helps us learn the stock.

When buying a pint for "Bill" or "Matt" etc, please don't ask them what they want, just tell us their name or show us where they are standing because we like to guess and get such a thrill when we get it right.

If, upon arriving at the bar, there is somebody waiting before you, shout before them. We like to be abused by people who think they have been served out of turn and it is usuaully our own fault. We have the ability to keep track of people as they arrive at the bar, particularly on busy nights, so why not use it?

If you have been waiting for at least two minutes then please tell us you have been waiting half an hour. It keeps us on our toes as we have no concept of time.

Can we remind you that the bell is just to make sure you are awake. We do not want you to come to the bar for last orders until two minutes to eleven when we have removed the till draw and have turned the lights off.

If not of faith, when spotting the water jug on the bar please shout "What's that? Holy water?". Although we have heard this a million times before, we never cease to find it amusing.
 
Two minutes to eleven? Last Orders? FFS, they're only just turning up at the pub at that time over here! Ask anybody who has drank in an Irish country pub, if you don't believe me!!
 
I must say that the staff in Wetherspoon's (Garbagge, Top Town) are spot on, and even when I'm an exasperating bore, they still manage to laugh sort of "with me" at my idiocy.

Top post!
 
jimharri said:
Two minutes to eleven? Last Orders? FFS, they're only just turning up at the pub at that time over here! Ask anybody who has drank in an Irish country pub, if you don't believe me!!

Me and two mates drank in an Irish country pub in 1998 and were told that if we didn't leave sharpish we "might regret it". Nope, we weren't being loud or irritating, we were just talking in English accents.
 
guv said:
jimharri said:
Two minutes to eleven? Last Orders? FFS, they're only just turning up at the pub at that time over here! Ask anybody who has drank in an Irish country pub, if you don't believe me!!

Me and two mates drank in an Irish country pub in 1998 and were told that if we didn't leave sharpish we "might regret it". Nope, we weren't being loud or irritating, we were just talking in English accents.

You lads are drinking in the wrong places, if its proper rural they will never close!
 
Thanx4Knives said:
guv said:
jimharri said:
Two minutes to eleven? Last Orders? FFS, they're only just turning up at the pub at that time over here! Ask anybody who has drank in an Irish country pub, if you don't believe me!!

Me and two mates drank in an Irish country pub in 1998 and were told that if we didn't leave sharpish we "might regret it". Nope, we weren't being loud or irritating, we were just talking in English accents.

You lads are drinking in the wrong places, if its proper rural they will never close!

To be fair, T4K, it was ten years ago. I imagine it's much better now.
 
Serious question: Are pubs a thing of the past?

I think they are for the following reasons.

A) You can no longer smoke in them which makes it less 'pubbish'. That's my new word, I claim it. It just takes something away from it and I'm a non-smoker!

B) Alcohol is too easily available for a lesser price elsewhere be that in the supermarket or at an off-license. Fair enough, there's less of an atmosphere, but you can drink from the comfort of your own home with people you give a shit about rather than someone moaning about being sacked or having no job. Is that a stereotype? I'm not so sure.

C) The amount of money they take. How many pubs do you know that are coining it in by the bucket full? Loads of them are shutting down like nobodies business because there is no profit in it anymore.

Could all three points signal the end?
 
Serious question: Are pubs a thing of the past?

I think they are for the following reasons.

A) You can no longer smoke in them which makes it less 'pubbish'. That's my new word, I claim it. It just takes something away from it and I'm a non-smoker!

B) Alcohol is too easily available for a lesser price elsewhere be that in the supermarket or at an off-license. Fair enough, there's less of an atmosphere, but you can drink from the comfort of your own home with people you give a shit about rather than someone moaning about being sacked or having no job. Is that a stereotype? I'm not so sure.

C) The amount of money they take. How many pubs do you know that are coining it in by the bucket full? Loads of them are shutting down like nobodies business because there is no profit in it anymore.

Could all three points signal the end?

fair question

obviously the pub is a stalwart of village life in the uk but look else where and the mentality, for better or worse, doesnt exist.

People over here for example will not go out to drink often enough to make it a viable business. This is partly cultural but also because its so much cheaper to drink at home, therefore get your mates round and have a piss up.

Obviously the exception is young people, lots of cash no responsibilities and no mates, therfore bar, (note not pub) so i predict trendy inner city wine bars will do ok and traditional pubs are fucked.
 
Re: "Are you being served?" Requests from bartende

C_T_I_D said:
Please remember to order one drink at a time as we like to run backwards and forwards. It keeps us fit.

When ordering a round please make suure you o not know what you want when you arrive at the bar. We like to stand and wait while you nip backwards and forwards or shout accross the room to find out, although we do generally find that the other people at the bar have been waiting "half an hour" and may start moaning: not your problem.

Once you have received two drinks please take them back to your table and stay for a quick chat before coming back to pay, we'll still be here waiting, we're not going anywhere and we appreciate the rest.

Always order Guiness last, we really want to stand at the bar with all your other drinks while it settles and are particularly pleased when we forget about it and have to be reminded to top it up.

Never put the money in our hands. We like to pick it up off the bar, especially if it's all in change and in a puddle of beer.

Never say "please" or "thank you", it only irritates us.

Always wait until you have been told how much your round is before asking us for crisps, snacks etc and when requiring ready salted crisps please ensure that you ask for the full range of flavours available before picking them. It helps us learn the stock.

When buying a pint for "Bill" or "Matt" etc, please don't ask them what they want, just tell us their name or show us where they are standing because we like to guess and get such a thrill when we get it right.

If, upon arriving at the bar, there is somebody waiting before you, shout before them. We like to be abused by people who think they have been served out of turn and it is usuaully our own fault. We have the ability to keep track of people as they arrive at the bar, particularly on busy nights, so why not use it?

If you have been waiting for at least two minutes then please tell us you have been waiting half an hour. It keeps us on our toes as we have no concept of time.

Can we remind you that the bell is just to make sure you are awake. We do not want you to come to the bar for last orders until two minutes to eleven when we have removed the till draw and have turned the lights off.

If not of faith, when spotting the water jug on the bar please shout "What's that? Holy water?". Although we have heard this a million times before, we never cease to find it amusing.


Just STFU and get my peanuts, and don't expect a fucking tip either!




;)
 
guv said:
jimharri said:
Two minutes to eleven? Last Orders? FFS, they're only just turning up at the pub at that time over here! Ask anybody who has drank in an Irish country pub, if you don't believe me!!

Me and two mates drank in an Irish country pub in 1998 and were told that if we didn't leave sharpish we "might regret it". Nope, we weren't being loud or irritating, we were just talking in English accents.
Sorry to hear that Guv. We have our share of idiots over here same as everywhere else. They are few and far between though, and without a doubt fewer and further between now than a decade back. I have been living over here for twenty odd years, but I still have my Moss Side cultivated accent (or so I'm told) and I've never had a problem. I do get stick (good natured for the most part!) when my football allegiances come to the fore however. This country bloody worships the vermin, along with the dippers and Celtic. I would hop[e that if you ever chanced coming back over for a visit, the neanderthals would stay in their cave.
 

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