Please remember to order one drink at a time as we like to run backwards and forwards. It keeps us fit.
When ordering a round please make suure you o not know what you want when you arrive at the bar. We like to stand and wait while you nip backwards and forwards or shout accross the room to find out, although we do generally find that the other people at the bar have been waiting "half an hour" and may start moaning: not your problem.
Once you have received two drinks please take them back to your table and stay for a quick chat before coming back to pay, we'll still be here waiting, we're not going anywhere and we appreciate the rest.
Always order Guiness last, we really want to stand at the bar with all your other drinks while it settles and are particularly pleased when we forget about it and have to be reminded to top it up.
Never put the money in our hands. We like to pick it up off the bar, especially if it's all in change and in a puddle of beer.
Never say "please" or "thank you", it only irritates us.
Always wait until you have been told how much your round is before asking us for crisps, snacks etc and when requiring ready salted crisps please ensure that you ask for the full range of flavours available before picking them. It helps us learn the stock.
When buying a pint for "Bill" or "Matt" etc, please don't ask them what they want, just tell us their name or show us where they are standing because we like to guess and get such a thrill when we get it right.
If, upon arriving at the bar, there is somebody waiting before you, shout before them. We like to be abused by people who think they have been served out of turn and it is usuaully our own fault. We have the ability to keep track of people as they arrive at the bar, particularly on busy nights, so why not use it?
If you have been waiting for at least two minutes then please tell us you have been waiting half an hour. It keeps us on our toes as we have no concept of time.
Can we remind you that the bell is just to make sure you are awake. We do not want you to come to the bar for last orders until two minutes to eleven when we have removed the till draw and have turned the lights off.
If not of faith, when spotting the water jug on the bar please shout "What's that? Holy water?". Although we have heard this a million times before, we never cease to find it amusing.
When ordering a round please make suure you o not know what you want when you arrive at the bar. We like to stand and wait while you nip backwards and forwards or shout accross the room to find out, although we do generally find that the other people at the bar have been waiting "half an hour" and may start moaning: not your problem.
Once you have received two drinks please take them back to your table and stay for a quick chat before coming back to pay, we'll still be here waiting, we're not going anywhere and we appreciate the rest.
Always order Guiness last, we really want to stand at the bar with all your other drinks while it settles and are particularly pleased when we forget about it and have to be reminded to top it up.
Never put the money in our hands. We like to pick it up off the bar, especially if it's all in change and in a puddle of beer.
Never say "please" or "thank you", it only irritates us.
Always wait until you have been told how much your round is before asking us for crisps, snacks etc and when requiring ready salted crisps please ensure that you ask for the full range of flavours available before picking them. It helps us learn the stock.
When buying a pint for "Bill" or "Matt" etc, please don't ask them what they want, just tell us their name or show us where they are standing because we like to guess and get such a thrill when we get it right.
If, upon arriving at the bar, there is somebody waiting before you, shout before them. We like to be abused by people who think they have been served out of turn and it is usuaully our own fault. We have the ability to keep track of people as they arrive at the bar, particularly on busy nights, so why not use it?
If you have been waiting for at least two minutes then please tell us you have been waiting half an hour. It keeps us on our toes as we have no concept of time.
Can we remind you that the bell is just to make sure you are awake. We do not want you to come to the bar for last orders until two minutes to eleven when we have removed the till draw and have turned the lights off.
If not of faith, when spotting the water jug on the bar please shout "What's that? Holy water?". Although we have heard this a million times before, we never cease to find it amusing.