Charity Muggers

my fave response at present is to pretend i am spanish - and utter a few words of the lingo , have only tried it once and it worked like a charm ?
 
I had ridiculously enthusiastic one approach me noticing I was carying a Waterstones bag and started trying to engage me in conversation by asking me if i'd bought any interesting books. I told her in no uncertain terms to mind her own fucking business.

Also, a good line to use on the ones who ask if you've "had any accidents or injuries in the last few years?" is "fook off, I've always looked like this!"

speaking of which, who in their right mind thinks "ooh, yes, now you mention it, i have had an accident. I would have never have thought of claiming compensation if you hadn't of asked. I mean, you never see this sort of service advertised on TV or in the papers or anything" and then lets some dodgy looking character decked out in the latest primark shirt and tie combo take all your personal details.
 
Just as you come out of work, break a raw egg into a hankie and hold it to your nose, as you walk past one of these knobs pull the hankie away,.. et voila an instant streaming cold and no charity buffoon within 100 metres.
 
The fucking bag packers in supermarkets are the worst ones. You pay the cnuts for the privilege of having your shopping squashed. I always tell them I'll pack my own and then I put something in the tin because I feel guilty. I hate being put in this position. Morrisons seem to have them in every week, it puts me off shopping there.
 

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