Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Hamann Pineapple
Well-Known Member
"My dogs got no nose"
"Well, I'm sorry but it's unlikely he'll ever walk again"
"Well, I'm sorry but it's unlikely he'll ever walk again"
foetus
Well-Known Member
Hamann Pineapple said:
Hamann Pineapple
Well-Known Member
foetus said:Hamann Pineapple said:
Oh, keep up, you thick ****
<a class="postlink" href="http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/sns-wp-blm-news-bc-paralyzed21-20141021-story.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/sns- ... story.html</a>
Spider came in my bedroom tonight and blew itself up.
Jihadi Longlegs
TangerineSteve17
Well-Known Member
I was in a church watching a nun carefully and methodically lighting each candle in perfect order.
I whispered to the bishop "She's systematic isn't she!?"
He said "No no, that's Sister Mary."
I was doing quizzes with my mate.
I said "2 Down, the clue is 'To be victorious', 10 letters, beginning with a T"
He said "Triumphant."
I said "Are you deaf? It begins with a T. Umphant doesn't fit and I don't even think it's a word."
I said "Name 3 Belgian football teams."
He said "Brugge, Standard Liege, Anderlecht."
I said "Erlecht? Never heard of 'em."
I had a look on cheapflights.com but they wanted hundreds of pounds. Scandalous! I can get a brand new set of darts for less than a tenner.
aaand run.
I whispered to the bishop "She's systematic isn't she!?"
He said "No no, that's Sister Mary."
I was doing quizzes with my mate.
I said "2 Down, the clue is 'To be victorious', 10 letters, beginning with a T"
He said "Triumphant."
I said "Are you deaf? It begins with a T. Umphant doesn't fit and I don't even think it's a word."
I said "Name 3 Belgian football teams."
He said "Brugge, Standard Liege, Anderlecht."
I said "Erlecht? Never heard of 'em."
I had a look on cheapflights.com but they wanted hundreds of pounds. Scandalous! I can get a brand new set of darts for less than a tenner.
aaand run.
robinhood CITY
Well-Known Member
So 70's icon Alvin Stardust had died. After his cremation he'll simply be known as Dust!
Clevers
Well-Known Member
robinhood CITY said:
Unless his remains are sent into space in a rocket.
city saint
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 17 Jan 2009
- Messages
- 6,138
my mate asked me what I was doing now id retired.so I told him I was now my wifes sexual advisor,he said I beg your pardon what does that mean,i said simple my wife said when she wants my fucking advice she"ll ask for it
Two married friends are out having a few scoops one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I tell the Taxi driver to drop me off in the next street. I quietly open the front door. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His Pal looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I tell the Taxi driver to screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the wardrobe, jump into bed, slap her on the arse and say, 'You as horny as I am?' . . . and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!"
His Pal looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I tell the Taxi driver to screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the wardrobe, jump into bed, slap her on the arse and say, 'You as horny as I am?' . . . and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!"
moonshiner
Well-Known Member
I've read "Plumbing For Idiots" twice and I still haven't got a clue what I'm doing. I guess it's going to take another few reads before this sinks in.