joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by citymantop, 28 Jan 2014.

  1. citymantop


    27 Apr 2011
    A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down

    at the table next to him. He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's

    probably an off-duty flight attendant.

    So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies

    for, thereby impressing her greatly.

    He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto :

    'To Fly. To Serve'?

    The woman looks at him blankly

    He sits back and thinks up another line.

    He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto

    'Winning the hearts of the world'?

    Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

    Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto

    'Going beyond expectations'?

    The woman looks at him sternly and says

    'What the fuck do you want?'

    'Aha!' he says, "Ryan Air".
  2. stingthunder


    28 Feb 2009
    knox, knox....."whos there".........interpol
  3. nimrod


    24 Dec 2006
    Down Under
    A man walks into a chemist, buys a condom, then walks out laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, there's no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Who knows, maybe it's a good thing.
    The next day, the same man comes back to the store, purchases yet another condom, and once again he leaves in hysterics , the pharmacist thinks "What's could be so funny about buying a condom, anyway?" So he tells his assistant "If he ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes."
    Sure enough, the next day the same man is back, he buys the condom, and again starts cracking up with laughter, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his assistant, to follow him.

    About an hour later, the assistant comes back to the store. "Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.

    The assistant replies "Your house."....
  4. Dicko69


    26 Jul 2009
    Rumour has it, up in heaven, roy castle can't play no jazz trumpet because he can't stop giggling
  5. Mad Eyed Screamer

    Mad Eyed Screamer

    25 Nov 2010
    Tampa Bay, Florida
    I went to a disco last night
    The DJ played 'The Twist' so I did the twist.
    He played 'Jump' so I jumped.
    Then he played 'Come On Eileen' and it was during this song I was thrown out...........
  6. Cheese Butty

    Cheese Butty

    3 Mar 2009
    I went to the disco last night and the DJ kept playing "House of Fun" over and over again.
    I thought to myself "this is madness".
  7. Zuriblue


    18 Feb 2009
    Baden, Switzerland
    UKBA passport control at Manchester Airport

    "Purpose of your visit sir...?"
    "My wife and I are spending 2 weeks holiday in the Lake district."
    "Welcome to the UK. And hope you enjoy your stay in Somerset."

    Jokes about white sugar are rare.

    But jokes about brown sugar - demerara.<br /><br />-- Sun Feb 09, 2014 4:17 pm --<br /><br />A lady enters the dental surgery, takes off her stockings, underwear, makes herself comfortable in the chair, spreads her legs apart.

    Dentist: "Madam, are you sure you're in the right place?"

    "Probably, you need the gynecologist."

    Lady: "No. I'm in the right place all right."

    "You made the dental plate for my husband last week, didn't you?"


    "Now remove it, please..!!"
  8. law74


    16 Feb 2007
    uncivil servent
    backing three legged donkeys
    I hate people that take drugs.

    You know, like policemen and customs officers.<br /><br />-- Sun Feb 09, 2014 3:51 pm --<br /><br />I hate people that take drugs.

    You know, like policemen and customs officers.
  9. bennyblue


    20 Jan 2010
    I've just bought some Tesco viagra. I only got a semi but every little helps!
  10. chrishull


    19 Jul 2008
    Breaking News...
    Manchester United are reported to be "very interested" in Ken Barlow's defence.

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