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Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by citymantop, 28 Jan 2014.
That is the best joke that has been posted on Bluemoon for a long time. Sat here pmsl.
A man walks past an ice cream shop that advertises every flavour ice cream In the world
Bullshit thinks the man and walks in
Okay give me vagina flavour ice-cream please
No problems sir replied the assistant giving the man three scopes of ice cream in a cone
That doesn't taste like vagina ice cream it tastes like shit says the man grimacing
The assistant says of course it does try taking shorter licks
Bumper sticker in New Zealand,
‘I’m not a complete idiot, I’m missing a few pieces’
Not a great thing to see on the back of your doctors car i agree.
Teacher: Maria, please go to the map and find America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, tell me who discovered America?
Teacher: What do you call a person who carries on talking when you are no longer interested?
Johnny: A teacher.
My sexual fetishes are getting worse
But it wasn’t until I spanked a statue that I realised I’d hit rock bottom.
It was 1962 . Mike goes to pick up his date, Molly.
Molly’s father Samuel opens the door and invites him in.
He asks to Mike what they’re planning to do on the date.
Mike politely responds that they’ll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.
Molly’s father suggests, “Why don’t you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.”
Mike was bewildered. “Excuse me, sir?”
“Oh yes, Molly really likes to screw. She’ll screw all night if we let her.”
Molly comes downstairs and announces that she’s ready to go.
About 15 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Molly rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and shouts at her father, “Dad! The Twist! It’s called the Twist!"
A man was leaving a cafe when he noticed an unusual funeral.
A funeral Coffin was followed by a second one. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog.
Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.
The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?"
The man replied, "That first coffin is for my wife."
"What happened to her?"
"My dog attacked and killed her."
"Well, who is in the second coffin?"
My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."
A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
Then the man asks in excitement, "Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied, "Join the queue.
I woke up in the hospital badly beaten up, the doctor asked me what the last thing was I remembered. I said I was sat on the couch when the wife said she'd bagged up a couple of bags full of clothes for me to take to the charity shop. I said I couldn't be bothered and would just stick them in the bin. she then admonished me about people starving in the world and that they were to go to the charity shop. I said "listen love, if they fit into your clothes they ain't starving"