joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by citymantop, 28 Jan 2014.

  1. Mansour's lamborghini

    Mansour's lamborghini

    Joined:
    27 Mar 2017
    Gender:
    Male
    An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. "I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said. Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account." "I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I'v had"!!
     
  2. Sid C

    Sid C

    Joined:
    1 Sep 2013
    My son said to me last night "Dad can I ask you a question?"
    I said. "Of course you can"
    "It's a bit awkward" he began
    I said "No probs, fire away."
    "Why have you got your cock in the hoover?"
     
  3. Big Swifty

    Big Swifty

    Joined:
    8 Nov 2011
    Why is "jeweller" spelt "jeweler"? Why is "cheque" spelt "check"? Why is dollars not pounds?
     
  4. Indaparkside

    Indaparkside

    Joined:
    28 Dec 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Guy walks into a jewlers stunning bird behind the counter, he gets his dick out and bangs it down on the counter, without batting an eyelid she said this is a clock shop not a cock shop, that's OK he replies put two fucking hands on this.
     
  5. jimharri

    jimharri

    Joined:
    30 Dec 2007
    Occupation:
    Occasional idiot
    Location:
    Surrounded by the dark side of the force
    Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read lips. After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution. She writes a note to her husband: 'Honey, Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times. The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his wife that if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, reach over and pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times.
     
  6. chris63

    chris63

    Joined:
    24 May 2009
    Occupation:
    ORDERLY
    Location:
    PERTH AUSTRALIA
    How do you know elephants have been making love on your lawn ???
    Bin liners everywhere...
     
  7. nalari

    nalari

    Joined:
    22 Oct 2010
    Two hands and a face, surely.
     
  8. Juan King

    Juan King

    Joined:
    14 Feb 2011
    Your punchline needs working on!
     
  9. Big Swifty

    Big Swifty

    Joined:
    8 Nov 2011
    And you need to stop juanking.............
     
  10. yeah whatever !!

    yeah whatever !!

    Joined:
    18 Apr 2014
    A Scotts laddie said to his dad " Dad can I have 50p"
    His dad said "40p son- what do you need 30p for"
     

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