joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by citymantop, 28 Jan 2014.

  1. Chippy_boy

    Chippy_boy

    Joined:
    11 Aug 2008
    Occupation:
    Indolence
    Location:
    Bristol
    Brilliant! :-)
     
  2. MellowJoe

    MellowJoe

    Joined:
    29 Dec 2016
    Gender:
    Male
    "Don't live your life in accordance to a book" - Luke 3:17
     
  3. Grassland Blue

    Grassland Blue

    Joined:
    25 Mar 2016
    Gender:
    Male
    Give me a break - it was just a tall tale!
     
  4. dickie davies

    dickie davies

    Joined:
    25 Sep 2010
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Tag team wrestler
    Location:
    oh please do fuck off
    In a response to the hurricanes and earthquakes natural disasters happening around the world, Madness have released a charity single

    Our house, in the middle of someone else's street
     
  5. There's always something happening and it's usually quite loud.
     
  6. talkativesprout

    talkativesprout

    Joined:
    30 Mar 2009
    bloke Goes to Prison
    first day walks into his pad to find a 6' 6" 18 stone fucking beast of a man lying on top bunk.

    'Oh ive bin waiting for me new pad mate' he says, 'lets play mummies and daddies!'

    'Oh fuck' thinks the bloke then decides to box clever...

    Ok 'i'll be daddy' he says...

    'good choice' says the giant..'now come over here and suck mummies cock!!
     
  7. taleofbluehalves

    taleofbluehalves

    Joined:
    19 Oct 2010
    What do you do when your nose goes on strike?

    Picket!

    (I'll be back tomorrow)
     
  8. Sam Armstrong

    Sam Armstrong

    Joined:
    3 Jun 2009
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Winwick, Cheshire
    Don’t rush!!!!
     
  9. sir baconface

    sir baconface

    Joined:
    20 May 2012
    Occupation:
    GPC, FOC and bar
    Location:
    Not in my lifetime.
    A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

    Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.......

    'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'' ...'Sure.'

    'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.'

    'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

    He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

    'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.

    Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

    Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate, back at him, back at the plate again...

    'Where's my toast?'
     
  10. casserole of nonsense

    casserole of nonsense

    Joined:
    17 Feb 2016
    Location:
    Stoned Soul Picnic
    Mr Brown goes to the GP to pick up his wife's test results
    GP apologises because there were two Mrs Browns in that day, and the test results might have been mixed up
    "It's either Alzheimers or AIDS, we don't know which, sorry" says the GP
    "What should I do doc" asks Mr Brown
    "Well, send her down the shops. If she comes home, always wear a condom"
     

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