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Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by citymantop, 28 Jan 2014.
"Don't live your life in accordance to a book" - Luke 3:17
Give me a break - it was just a tall tale!
In a response to the hurricanes and earthquakes natural disasters happening around the world, Madness have released a charity single
Our house, in the middle of someone else's street
There's always something happening and it's usually quite loud.
bloke Goes to Prison
first day walks into his pad to find a 6' 6" 18 stone fucking beast of a man lying on top bunk.
'Oh ive bin waiting for me new pad mate' he says, 'lets play mummies and daddies!'
'Oh fuck' thinks the bloke then decides to box clever...
Ok 'i'll be daddy' he says...
'good choice' says the giant..'now come over here and suck mummies cock!!
What do you do when your nose goes on strike?
(I'll be back tomorrow)
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.......
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'' ...'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate, back at him, back at the plate again...
'Where's my toast?'
Mr Brown goes to the GP to pick up his wife's test results
GP apologises because there were two Mrs Browns in that day, and the test results might have been mixed up
"It's either Alzheimers or AIDS, we don't know which, sorry" says the GP
"What should I do doc" asks Mr Brown
"Well, send her down the shops. If she comes home, always wear a condom"