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Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by citymantop, 28 Jan 2014.
You lad are aptly named
My Dad's got an allotment. But every time he comes back, he's convinced it's getting smaller.
Personally, I think he's slowly losing the plot.
Looking at myself naked in a full length mirror this morning and I thought to myself "any moment now I'm going to be told to leave Ikea"
Just put baby oil on myself to prove a point to the Mrs, she's always nagging that I never glisten,
I'll fucking show her.
I left work at 6 and I'm still half an hour from home.
That is a fucking joke.
My Mrs told me last night I have two faults.
First, apparently I don't listen, and then there was some other sh*t she was rattling on about.
That tickled me but I know I will get blank looks when I tell it back.
Haha. You might like this one then...
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house. After eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. They left the two gentlemen talking and one said, 'Last night we went to this new restaurant and it was fantastic. I would recommend it very highly.'
'Oh, great. What's the name of the restaurant?' asked his friend.
The first man thought and thought, and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. Turning towards the kitchen, he yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
Quality. Not as good but still funny.
My uncle recently got married to a woman who's allergic to everything.
I call her auntie histamine.