joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by citymantop, 28 Jan 2014.

  1. billfromthehill

    billfromthehill

    Joined:
    4 Jul 2012
    Location:
    questions questions
    You lad are aptly named
     
  2. kippaxneil

    kippaxneil

    Joined:
    10 May 2007
    My Dad's got an allotment. But every time he comes back, he's convinced it's getting smaller.

    Personally, I think he's slowly losing the plot.
     
  3. dickie davies

    dickie davies

    Joined:
    25 Sep 2010
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Tag team wrestler
    Location:
    oh please do fuck off
    Looking at myself naked in a full length mirror this morning and I thought to myself "any moment now I'm going to be told to leave Ikea"
     
  4. tshirtman

    tshirtman

    Joined:
    16 Feb 2012
    Just put baby oil on myself to prove a point to the Mrs, she's always nagging that I never glisten,
    I'll fucking show her.
     
  5. StrangewaysHereWeCome

    StrangewaysHereWeCome

    Joined:
    29 Jan 2008
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Take the highway to the end of the night
    Location:
    Sunny Salford
    I left work at 6 and I'm still half an hour from home.

    That is a fucking joke.
     
  6. Plays By Sense Of Smell

    Plays By Sense Of Smell

    Joined:
    4 Sep 2011
    My Mrs told me last night I have two faults.
    First, apparently I don't listen, and then there was some other sh*t she was rattling on about.
     
  7. davymcfc

    davymcfc

    Joined:
    1 Sep 2008
    That tickled me but I know I will get blank looks when I tell it back.
     
  8. sir baconface

    sir baconface

    Joined:
    20 May 2012
    Occupation:
    GPC, FOC and bar
    Location:
    Not in my lifetime.
    Haha. You might like this one then...

    An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house. After eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. They left the two gentlemen talking and one said, 'Last night we went to this new restaurant and it was fantastic. I would recommend it very highly.'

    'Oh, great. What's the name of the restaurant?' asked his friend.

    The first man thought and thought, and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'

    'Do you mean a rose?'

    'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. Turning towards the kitchen, he yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
     
  9. davymcfc

    davymcfc

    Joined:
    1 Sep 2008
    Quality. Not as good but still funny.
     
  10. Trautmann's Chiropractor

    Trautmann's Chiropractor

    Joined:
    28 Nov 2016
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dundee
    My uncle recently got married to a woman who's allergic to everything.

    I call her auntie histamine.
     

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