joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by citymantop, 28 Jan 2014.

  1. jimharri

    jimharri

    Joined:
    30 Dec 2007
    Occupation:
    Occasional idiot
    Location:
    Surrounded by the dark side of the force
    Jonathan Ross was arrested this morning for stealing kitchen utensils.

    He said it was a whisk worth taking.
     
  2. robbie brewer

    robbie brewer

    Joined:
    27 May 2009
    Teacher asks the class to name a word with 10 letters.
    Little Billy said"Masterbate"
    Teacher a bit flustered says "That's a bit of a mouthful"
    Kid replies "that's a blow job and it's only 7letters"
     
  3. tshirtman

    tshirtman

    Joined:
    16 Feb 2012
    What's the difference between the colour pink and the colour purple..

    Your grip
     
  4. Deepest Blue

    Deepest Blue

    Joined:
    20 May 2010
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Tightening the noose.
    Guy goes into a nightclub.

    Approaches a random girl and asks her

    "Scuse me. Can I smell your pussy?"

    Outraged she replies "No you can not!"

    "My mistake" says he "Must be your feet, then."



    Well it made me laugh.
     
  5. Blue Mist

    Blue Mist

    Joined:
    14 Aug 2005
    I see Jesus has got himself a Twitter account. He already has 12 folowers.
     
  6. tshirtman

    tshirtman

    Joined:
    16 Feb 2012
    I got sacked from the computer keyboard factory.
    They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
     
  7. sir baconface

    sir baconface

    Joined:
    20 May 2012
    Occupation:
    GPC, FOC and bar
    Location:
    Not in my lifetime.
    A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman."

    She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

    "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

    Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

    The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

    The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

    He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

    The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."

    Later that day, the teenager came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

    "Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

    Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.

    “And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
     
  8. tshirtman

    tshirtman

    Joined:
    16 Feb 2012
    Paddy's wife gave birth to triplets!!
    How in gods name did that happen says Paddy ??
    His wife replies. Remember the night i was dry and we had no vaseline so i used 3 in 1 oil"
    Holy Jaysus says Paddy, I'm fucking glad we didn't use WD40!
     
  9. tshirtman

    tshirtman

    Joined:
    16 Feb 2012
    The man who invented the USB stick has died, thanks for all the memory
     
  10. jimharri

    jimharri

    Joined:
    30 Dec 2007
    Occupation:
    Occasional idiot
    Location:
    Surrounded by the dark side of the force
    For sale: DeLorean DMC-12.


    No time wasters.
     

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