joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by citymantop, 28 Jan 2014.

  1. taleofbluehalves

    taleofbluehalves

    Joined:
    19 Oct 2010
    I said to the pet shop owner "I want a taller stand for my parrot but I haven't much money. Can I get one and pay it off monthly?"
    "We don't do higher perches", he replied.
     
  2. dronefromsector7G

    dronefromsector7G

    Joined:
    1 Jul 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Standing on a fine line, between this and that
    I’ve finally been diagnosed with agoraphobia.

    Get in!
     
  3. Ancient Citizen

    Ancient Citizen

    Joined:
    26 Jul 2009
    Quality!
     
  4. jimharri

    jimharri

    Joined:
    30 Dec 2007
    Occupation:
    Occasional idiot
    Location:
    Surrounded by the dark side of the force
    A foursome of men at the Golf Course are waiting, while a foursome of women are hitting off from the Tee.

    The ladies are taking their time and, when finally, the last one is ready to hit the ball, she hacks it about 10 feet.

    She then goes over to it and hacks it another 10 feet.

    She looks up at the men, who are watching, and says apologetically

    "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this past winter didn't help".

    One of the men immediately replies;




    "Now, there's your problem lady. You should have taken GOLF lessons instead".


    Here all week, I am.
     
  5. Pell

    Pell

    Joined:
    17 Jul 2014
    David Beckham has been left devastated after a fire in his home destroyed his entire library. There were two books in there, and one of them he hadn't finished colouring in.
     
  6. taleofbluehalves

    taleofbluehalves

    Joined:
    19 Oct 2010
    My mate keeps getting splinters, he said to me, he hopes he doesnt get anymore touchwood!
     
  7. taleofbluehalves

    taleofbluehalves

    Joined:
    19 Oct 2010
    A car pulled up next to me the other day and the lady said "excuse me is there a B&Q in Dudley"
    I said no its spelt D-U-D-L-E-Y
     
  8. BlueHammer85

    BlueHammer85

    Joined:
    13 Oct 2010
    Don’t get it
     
  9. dronefromsector7G

    dronefromsector7G

    Joined:
    1 Jul 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Standing on a fine line, between this and that
    No joke?

    If you were agoraphobic where would you want to be?
     
  10. aguero93:20

    aguero93:20

    Joined:
    21 Oct 2013
    Occupation:
    Worshipping the great bald one
    Location:
    The Guardiola Circle Jerk
    Would have been funnier if you'd said 'don't get out'.
     

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