Things your missus does that drive you to despair

Stares constantly at her fucking iphone on facebook randomly giggling at trivial shite!
 
Catching planes, this morning she has an internal flight to catch so has to be there an hour before. We get there with 45 minutes before the flight, she's like 'I'll just get a coffee, they have that instant crap on the plane' Act's surprised that she can't use the machines to check in - too late to check in. So starts queuing with half an hour to go. Still catches the plane, thank God. All weekend to myself.
 
Just come back from holiday And every night we would leave the bar / restaurant we were in and walk back to the hotel. We'd go through the lobby and wait for the lift. Get in the lift and ride up to the 5th floor. Get out of the lift and walk down the corridor to our room. We would then arrive at the door and then, and only then, would she start looking for the key in her bag....
Stayed in some newly built smart apartments in Anaxos on Lesvos, we would go out for a meal and loads of sherberts every night, we had been there 10 days when walking back one night we were approaching our apartments and she pipes up " oohhh these apartments look nice i wouldn't mind staying in these" ..i looked at her in amazement... "we are you daft woman" got to love em
 
Hangs her towel on the bathroom door even though there is a hook. So now the door can't be shut, and the hook hangs empty.

Drys better over the door, I expect that's why she does it. Or maybe it's just to piss you off.

Mine puts hers on the towel rail, over the top of a clean dry one that I'm about to use after a shower, I don't say anything, can't be arsed, I mean if someone can't work out that the damp towel is going to make the dry towel damp also, where would you start..

We've just had a week off work, family wedding on Thursday/Friday, so a nice few days of doing fuck all, I binged on Sopranos and chilled out, she did her usual and decided to paint a room, kitchen this time, did half of it on Tuesday with a view to finishing it off on Weds. Changed her mind on Weds morning and took herself off to Liverpool, spent plenty and that was the end of decorating. Muggins here will be decorating next week, I suppose I should be grateful that she did half of it but in all honesty it didn't need doing, if proof were needed of this then the fact that she said to me on Thursday morning, "thanks, I didn't realise you'd finished the painting". She really did mean it too.
 
Sitting out in the garden right now. Having a few guns. She bought some clothes and was trying them on and annoying me like fuck asking me what I thought.

I bought this top and the collar makes my hands even more feminine.

Yes, says I

Do you think my hands aren't feminine enough?

What?

Are you saying I have big hands?

She hasn't got remotely big hands but is now in the huff over something she said and I agreed with

Fucking loopy.
 
Sitting out in the garden right now. Having a few guns. She bought some clothes and was trying them on and annoying me like fuck asking me what I thought.

I bought this top and the collar makes my hands even more feminine.

Yes, says I

Do you think my hands aren't feminine enough?

What?

Are you saying I have big hands?

She hasn't got remotely big hands but is now in the huff over something she said and I agreed with

Fucking loopy.
Shotguns, handguns or rifles? Best watch yourself tonight mate
 

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