Useless employees

Is that a fag and a shit or a fag and a wank?


Sometimes it was just a fag with a shit, other times it was just a fag, sometimes it would be a shit with no fag, other times he would just sit there having neither a fag nor a shit.
On the off chance Lisa from accounts came into the warehouse it would be a fag, a shit and a wank. Sometimes he would forfiet the shit and the fag and go straight for the wank. He gave up for a few days due to acid burns on his arse and a fear of dark enclosed spaces.
 
We had one years ago at a place I worked in Wythenshawe. He was part of a 4 man team and without the fourth man the job really slowed down. Every hour for 15 minutes this lazy twat used to waltz off to the toilets for a fag and a (*^(&^. This pissed me off so I found out which trap he went in and put some battery acid from the stacker trucks on the seat. That cured the problem but just to be sure we locked him in an empty 40 foot container and sent him to Oldham.
You mean fuckers; that's cruel and degrading treatment. I mean to say; Oldham, for fuck's sake. Whatever he did (or in this case, didn't) do, no crime is worth that sort of sentence.
 
Fucking comical this. At my old job, our team leader went through a period of going home at about 2 every day, he'd just leave and say he was off to do paperwork at home. Working from home wasn't an option even for Regional Managers.

Same fella used to tot up all the annual leave requests for us all, fiddled with the paperwork and bagged himself an extra week's paid leave off for the year, as well as days here and there where he'd ring in and say sorry mate something has come up, can you and such and such run it today. He'd tell us all to keep it shtum from the big bosses if they asked where he was. He'd give it the old chestnut 'I don't get enough time off from here' just cos he had to sort our rotas and training out one night a week.

Sheer abuse of position, sound enough fella and we had a laugh in a small team. Out of loyalty myself and others covered his arse, but looking back we should've grassed him up. Probably stopped me progressing in that company, was carrying him at times doing the dirty work.
 
A job is only hard if you do it well. Being shit at work is worth a go just to see what you can get away with and being lazy and doing less can reduce stress and therefore improve your health.
I generally don't do anything until I've been asked three times. Most folk will ask someone else rather than ask you twice. If you get asked a third time it generally means it needs done though. At this point try to do a half arsed job so you don't get asked again.
Also worth remembering that a bollocking at work only matters if you are listening to it. Just nod, agree, and let it all float over your head. Most managers are happy they have resolved a problem just by delivering the bollocking and getting you to nod, agree, and look a bit sad. You can then get back to being half arsed and doing as little as possible in peace. So long as you are not rude or confrontational most largish organisations will let you get away with this shit for years :-)
 

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