When was the last time you soiled yourself?

MCFC BOB said:
I was feeling a bit ill last week, but having been invited out for an all you can eat Chinese I thought I'd go out anyway.

Mistake.

Had the food, felt an arse twinge. Paced home and just about made it in time.
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So you didn't soil yourself?

Bit like posting about the time you missed an open net in a greatest goal you ever scored thread.
 
Went to Turkey a couple years ago, had a fry-up for breakfast, anyhoo, 6 pints and a fry-up later, I'm running back to the hotel as I think I'm going to be sick, get outside my room when a volcano errupts from my arse,I soil myself and for the next 4 hours I'm sat sobering up on the toilet.
 
djelanomcfc said:
bluereddish said:
***BUMP***BUMP***BUMP***BUMP***BUMP***BUMP

You're not going to like this

<a class="postlink" href="http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191&CJAID=10409403&CJPID=3727850" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... ID=3727850</a>
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What you have done there is open up a whole new world of wierd and disgusting threads. These few top anything that's ever been done of this forum before.

<a class="postlink" href="http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=118669751" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... =118669751</a>

<a class="postlink" href="http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=118669751&page=2" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... 751&page=2</a>

<a class="postlink" href="http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=121076391&page=12" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... 91&page=12</a>

<a class="postlink" href="http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... =120921191</a>
Click to expand...

None of them are readable anymore. What were they?
 
crizack said:
after already posting on here, i remember a guy i knew a couple of years ago when i was on my mechanic apprentice...actually as im typing this i've just thought of another one HAHA!..he had a new conservatory done and his missus invited her best mate and boyfriend round for dinner or whatever, anyway, their sat in the conservatory having some drinks when their friend says she needs the toilet, she's up there for about 10 minutes or so and they can here her flushing the chain again and again, then suddenly...SPLAT! my shaun looked up to see a mixture of toilet roll and shit on his newconservatory roof, and his missus and the girls boyfriend are sat there in utter shock, apparently she had blocked the toilet from a propper banger then when it wouldn't flush, she's threw it out of the bathroom window in a direction that woul look like it's been thrown over from somewhere else...totally forgetting that they had just had a fucking conservatory fitted and she they were sat in there.

HAHA

and another one was this valeter had asked me to look at his video camera because he wanted me to fix the screen on it...whilst i was saving all the videos from it onto my computer, i couldn't help but see what appeared to be his wife (seen her on a works do and if you had ever seen her, you's never forget her aswell) naked. so i thought ''fuck this'' an gave it a look. one of the worst mistakes of my life. he was videoing her undressing and standing on a glass table, you could clearly hear him grunting and moaning then all of a sudden, he was videoing her SHITTING on top of it from underneath. i washed my hands soon after i realised i had touched something he had and handled the camera with marigolds after that. when i took it in to hand it back, he even ask me if i hadn't deleted the vid of his wife because he was gonna upload it to the net.


dirty fucker!
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Hahahah, i think thats referred to as a "Cold Karl".
Cold Karl - Glass table
Warm Karl - Cling film over your face
Hot Karl - No protection, shit right in the face
 
During my teen years i was seeing a girl from the next town and took a 20 min bus ride a few times a week to see her, we was only together around 4 weeks so we hadn't quite reached farting stage. It was a friday night and id had a few beers with the lads and got the bus through around 10 when my stomach started feeling a bit iffy, a few violent air benders later i felt good as new and put it to the back of my mind once there i had a few more beers when i got that feeling again so i clenched like hell and suppressed the onslaught, a few minutes later we started having a bit of a wrestle on the bed when i had a magical idea to frog splash her from on top of her desk chair as i landed on her with my stomach the loudest most vile fart iv ever heard from anyone or anything escaped my arse which seemed to go on for an eternity, our eyes met as the sound took a turn for the worse into a distinct squelching we both just laid there in complete silence except from the explosion coming out of my trousers. her eyes gave me a questioning look as if to say are you doing what i think your doing? and as i looked back i knew it was the end of us and i had to walk 2 miles home covered in shit.
 
kye1991 said:
During my teen years i was seeing a girl from the next town and took a 20 min bus ride a few times a week to see her, we was only together around 4 weeks so we hadn't quite reached farting stage. It was a friday night and id had a few beers with the lads and got the bus through around 10 when my stomach started feeling a bit iffy, a few violent air benders later i felt good as new and put it to the back of my mind once there i had a few more beers when i got that feeling again so i clenched like hell and suppressed the onslaught, a few minutes later we started having a bit of a wrestle on the bed when i had a magical idea to frog splash her from on top of her desk chair as i landed on her with my stomach the loudest most vile fart iv ever heard from anyone or anything escaped my arse which seemed to go on for an eternity, our eyes met as the sound took a turn for the worse into a distinct squelching we both just laid there in complete silence except from the explosion coming out of my trousers. her eyes gave me a questioning look as if to say are you doing what i think your doing? and as i looked back i knew it was the end of us and i had to walk 2 miles home covered in shit.
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it's the way you tell 'em

(poetry in motion)
 
read this forum shit load of times ha ha
and now its happened.........

I drive stupid amount of miles, I try to avoid going toilet too early otherwise I end up stopping loads. Love a bandit too so can be an expensive piss/shit/both. Ive met an old mate on Thursday in London, catch up in Spoons and rude not to get involved in the curry night.....anyway Ste orders summat well gay so I go for the hottest one......Welsh something or other if my memorys right. Its hot but not stupid and i polish the lot off. Say our goodbyes and get back to hotel for a sleep. Wake up right as rain, farts wreak but thats normal and set off........
Services are a mile and 16 mile........
16 mile......15 mins ???? I need a shit but i can wait....... and next ones got a greggs.....carry on........
then..... a huge red glow........a million brake lights......its 6am for fuck sake..... i know im in trouble here.....
20 mins later, 3 feet done.......
Im hot, really hot...... thinking of a plan.....
im scared to fart
no hard shoulder grass to speak of, 3 metres of tarmac.....
fuck
right ive got it.......im going down hard shoulder....... that whiskey nose **** got away with it....
nightmare getting over but do it, start off. Put hazards on, dunno why ?
Then.... a caravan..... no longer connected to car. ive got tools, il help ?
I get out and a farts coming, no stopping it, let it out slow but i know straight away its not right, if your gonna be a bear you may as well be a grizzly bear...... I let the rest of the fart out.......i see brown slurry on my socks !

back of van, alot of blue roll, gets changed, discards soiled stuff, Back to Manchester
 
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