Nah, don't bother.

Once when I was about 16 me and a couple of mates went to a field not far from our houses. We took a disposable bbq, a couple of crates of beer and about 18 of the cheapest sausages known to man. 7 cans and 6 (very badly cooked) sausages later, I start to feel a rumbling in the pit of my stomach. With little explanation to the lads I proceeded to bolt into a wooded area. I knew the inevitable was imminent, so took refuge behind a tree deep into the woods. I knew that if I squatted against the tree I'd be able to keep my kecks shit-free whilst releasing the loads. So pants round my ankles and back to the tree I relaxed my bowels and took a deep breath, knowing it had been a close call. I scraped the last of the bum bisto off my arse with a train ticket from my pocket and pulled my kecks back up whilst breathing another sigh of relief. Before leaving the scene of the crime I took a look back at my handywork, only to see the sorriest looking hedgehog I had ever laid my eyes on attempting to scramble out of the mess I had dropped upon him.

If you are reading this, I'm very sorry Mr Hedgehog.

No, it's no trouble. I'll let you know as soon as possible.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!

That is fucking hilarious.

yeah, that body building posting was written & drawn by a true piss-artist

Did something similar,wiped my arse on a dock leaf only to find later it was actually my shirt,didn't tuck my shirt in and of course my mates said nowt.Huge skiddo for all to see.
Oh how laughed later in the sweetshop........

Been out all night and had a sizzling 1hr`s kip before a 20/20 cricket match. Arrived at the ground positively steaming and seeing it like a ball bearing. The previous week my mate (not Kolo) had recommended diet pills to me. They get rid of any excess oil/fat but make you shit/fart unexpectedly - can literary come at any time. I was next into bat - dressed in full whites with pads on and let a ripper go. Thought it was a very wet one but I had had them all week and thought everything was under control. How mistaken could I have been. I was dripping and my whites were absolutely caked and there was a warm sensation trickling down my leg. Luckily I wasn`t required to bat, changed my keks and fielded in my shorts.

Firstly, I must thank whoever it was that posted a link to this thread in the Sanchez thread in the Transfer Forum yesterday - I have been in tears of laughter at some of the tales in here.

My story doesn’t involve me (thank Christ), but a fella I was at University with back in the 90s. He was a fairly quiet, uncomplicated working class lad, and he was chasing a very sophisticated, well spoken and minted older women who was on the same course. This woman was always immaculately turned out, so they were like chalk and cheese - an unlikely couple.

Anyhow, they ended up going out one night for a chicken curry, and they ended up back at hers - it was her own flat, really nicely done out, rather than the scruffy shared houses the rest of us lived in. One thing led to another, and they ended up in the sack. He was on top of her hard at it when he experienced a minor stomach rumble and his ring gave a bit of a twinge. Understandably (but catastrophically) he decided to ignore it and resumed thrusting. A few seconds later, his arse erupted with such force that shit actually hit the walls of the bedroom (it was later compared to one of those hot water geysers blowing). They were both showered in rancid mud, and needless to say the bedding and carpet took a good spraying. At this point she was screaming, and in a doomed attempt to comfort her, he shouted back ‘it’s the chicken, it’s the chicken’.

He had been expecting to stay over, but you can guess how that one turned out – he helped her to clear the worst of the slurry, had a shower and shuffled off home. Not the sort of experience you want to be reminded of, but he had to face this woman every day at lectures, although to be fair neither of them were too keen to discuss it.

A few years back when I was an engineering apprentice, every Friday in the summer we used to have a bit of theory work, then a senior figure within the company would come for a chat and ask us how we're doing and how far our careers would go etc then to finish off we'd go and play footy on a pitch nearby till about 1/2 pm... Anyway this "flash c**t" come in from America telling us where he started blah blah blah and one of the lads noticed his watch (can't remember the make exactly) the FC said here have a look its worth 4k, threw it over towards me I caught it one handed and I felt a warm glow, unfortunatly it came out of my arse!! Well it was fuckin awful.. luckily I had briefs on and it kept it restricted... all the lads were whispering "fuckin hell who's shit?" little did they know I actually had! We must have been there another 15mins.. I could feel the shit congealing, after the meeting I waddled over to the other factory to have a clean down and flush my undies away.

I hope he left with a good impression of us.

The End