A mosquito landed on my balls last night.

Hardest decision of my life.............

My racing snail hasn't been winning any races lately so I took his shell off to reduce wieght but it just made him more sluggish.

Have u seen today's sky news? 3 Cliff Walkers have fallen to their death..

I can't believe they all had the same name.......

I was invited to have a threesome with two young attractive ladies last night, It was like winning the lottery. Especially when we all got undressed and I discovered we had six matching balls!!

What do you call a drunk muslim?

Mohammered

I shagged a bird last night who called me a fucking arrogant wanker.

Guess who's not getting a Fucking signed photo now.

Pregnant Jamaican woman wakes up from a coma in hospital and asks where her bump has gone. Doctor says "it's ok you had twins a boy and a girl. We had to register them, so your brother named them." "Oh my goodness" she says "He's totally thick, what did he call the girl?" "DENISE" replies doc. "Actually thats nice, i like that and what about the boy?"............ "DENEPHEW !!".

DO NOT GET !!!

Little girl lost in center of Liverpool. Nice policeman asks. "What's your Mum like?".
Little girl relies. "Big cocks and Bacardi breezers!"

Mosquito's suck...