Reads everything I write on forums the biatch!!

Ta-daaa. No more annoying phrases, and you get to go out and find a better one.

mine always comes out with shit like 'can you pick up that thing for me and put it next to that thingy for me later'

fucking wind me up all the time

Breathes

When i try and have a sit down with a cuppa for 5 minutes just to chill out you can guarantee the misses will want me for something after 2 minutes, always happens.
It's like she'll be in a bath and i get a shout "can you get me shampoo out of the shower cubicle" why oh why can she not think of this before she goes in the bath it's not freakin rocket science!

I could go on and on...

Is it just me that automatically thinks of "same sex", when they hear the term partner? Anyhow, I'll go with the sneezing one. It's almost like she is trying out for a job doing it. Scares the crap out of me.

Every Sunday afternoon at about 4pm she will decide the fucking house is in shit state and start an industrial clean up which involves standing in front of the football that I'll be trying to watch on the telly.
She will also add derisory comments about how I never help her round the house which is bollocks.
Also, she moans about the toilet seat being left up. Why can't she just put the fucking thing down without the bitching. I don't moan that she always leaves it down do I.
There are about a thousand other things but I don't want to clog up the site.

If I am nipping to the shop I will say "Do you want anything? I'm getting a couple of cans and some nibbles." She inevitably says "Ooh no, I'm alright thanks I'm being good".

You know what's coming, I get back and she wants half my cans and three quarters of my Pringles.

Yep yep yep. My missus does this in restaurants, nicks half my scoff. Or if I go to the chippy she'll not want mushy peas but expect half of mine.
They're nuts

In their tiny, tiny minds they believe that not ordering it, but pinching it off us doesn't count.