thats an awsome story. a couple of years ago i was in bed about to go to work thought i would do a fart and i just shat everywhere. decided not to go in that day.

Well done De Niro, you are indeed the best Mod in the land and all the world.

I am going to start a campaign to have this thread installed as a Classic.

If you like the thread, click on the "report" button (the red exclaimation mark) and instert the text "I believe the poo thread is a classic".

about a year ago me and my mate were having a little underage drink on the park, we were both pissed then we thought we'd go get high to, i then realised that i was pissed enough and didnt need to risk feeling like shit after smoking to much on top of drinking, he smoked a shit load of it but seemed fine then 15minutes later he starts throwing up and says i need a shit, he was ratarsed and didnt have a clue where he was so i pointed him in the direction of a half covered bush and said have a shit over there, i came back 20minutes later to find him asleep on the floor with his pants at his ankles and shit all over himself, i couldnt stop laughing then me and a few other close mates kicked him a few times woke him up, he got his pants up and somehow got to the next bush where he sat down unknowingly with shit all over his hands he was rubbing his hands through his hair and face repeating 'crap what have i done' people heard about him and came over, about 1hour later his mum had to come and pick him up, till this day he's still embarresed about it but it was probably one of the funniest moments in my life so far

The only thread that could do half as well as this one would be "...the worst you've ever had to piss..." !!!

Some classics, I suspect.

Whilst living with a girlfriend, the relationship had allbut died, and i started seing another women. After about 2 week it was time to end the relationship as i had really fallen for my bit on the side. 13 yr younger than me, gorgeous, body to die for.

Duly my now ex moved out and me my new younger model could finaly get down to the knitty gritty. I took her out round Ashton, onto one of the lovely curry houses sadly gone now then back to my place for what was our first full night together and copious amounts of rumpy pumpy.

Morning was soon upon us and we sat in bed giggling like school kidz, then i feels a little fart-a-brewing, swiftley lifted my bum cheeks for a quick bit of the fart game, farted on her thigh then quick as a flash was back on my side still giggling like a kid shouting ah ah got you.

My giggle was short lived however, she lifted the duvet, looked deadpan into my eyes, and said thanks you dirty bstd youve shit on my legs, as you can imagine i stopped mid giggle whilst trying to work out if she was getting me back for my childish prank.

Panic in my voice i said fck off i havn't, to which she lowered the duvet to reveal a lovely line of arse gravy down to her knee.

ah oh ah errm im sorry fckin sorry.....then she burst out laughing and said dont worry hun i'll just go and get a shower.

Weve been married 7 yr now and together 9. Love springs eternal

I love you Abigail

Was at Goodison away (when micah equalised in the last minute, and barton got his arse out) been on the booze all morning and was midway through the first half when I felt chippy curry making its way through my small intestines. Got to the bogs and emptied my arse. there was already a puddle in my keks so they got put in the cistern. I realised there was no fucking bog roll but could hear somebody in the stall next to me so I banged on the wall and asked the guy if there was any roll in that one. he said "no, but here you can have my sock" and threw it over. I though what a weird ****, but I wiped my arse on his sock anyway, flushed the bog and started walking out the toilets, thanking the chap on my way past his stall. the guy shouted "Oi, give us yours then, I've got nowt to wipe mine on" didn't click on at first, and started to take my shoe off, but realisation kicked in that he was locked in a cubicle in mid shit, so I ran off and left him minus 1 sock, and a muddy bum crack.

If the person that gave me his sock posts on here, I'm sorry for running off, but why didn't you just use your own sock? PM me your address and I'll post you a pair.

That last bit ruined the story for me. This is not the thread for soppy and sentimental endings! Sick freak.

[quote="nashark"]Brilliant thread.

I've never had a proper soiled myself moment.


after reading your nostalgic holiday tale i can assure you nashark, you have very much had a 'soiled myself moment' of feckin epic proportions.

Yeah but my wifes name is susan

Anyone else reading the thread whilst releasing a dump?