Hi all, advice needed.

I'm a postman. As you imagine, it's a fairly lonely shift, but there's this one house I can't wait to get to. Almost every time I turn up the bird who lives there is wandering around is some skimpy undergarments, and recently she's starting putting on a little 'show' for me. Nothing too saucy, but enough to mean that if she gets two letters in a day I'm holding one back just so I can go back the next day. She's also been getting more adventurous of late.

Anyway, she lives next door to this lovely old dear, and I needed the pensioner to sign do something the other day, so we got chatting.

I casually brought the conversation round to the girl next door, and asked if she was seeing anyone. The pensioner has assured me she's not, saying there was someone but he was a drunk and a loser with an Internet porn addiction and she's well shut of him. The old dear encouraged me to write my number down and she's offered to pass it on to the girl of my dreams.

I did, but now in wondering whether she'll report me..any thoughts blues?

back doors....etc

Is this a parody? I don't know anymore.

You should no the drill by now...this did not happen without picture evidence of some sort

Holding back mail is illegal so I am going to have to report you. Sorry an all. Before I do though, can I have the address please? Ta.

She just inviting you to empty your sack through her flap,no harm in that.

By "putting on a show" do you mean she is some sort of theatre impressario with a production of Les Misrables in her front room?

Im kinda thinking this is a lie,the first lie i spotted is you wrote "lonely shift" Every fooker knows you lot only do half a shift..

p.s No doubt if this is true the usual folks who give you a brew are now being neglected.

post man man always smashes the back door twice!!!!!!!!!! dont you know.