Sexual failures

Cellarite said:
In an attempt to right the wrong of last week's "Screenshot your phone" thread, @Blue Mist challenged me to come up with a better thread this Friday. I hope this is better;

Tell us about a time when you completely failed in your sexual exploits. A time that you would go back for a day, a few hours or even a couple more minutes if you had the chance.

My own sob story is this - at the age of 19, I met E. She was stunning. Blonde hair, a great arse and beautiful looking. We were seeing each other for 8/9 months on and off and she was wild when it came to the bedroom.

One time, I had a medical and fitness test for a job a few days later. We were minding her sisters house and E decided to invite her mate K and K's boyfriend round for drinks. K was another blonde bombshell. Huge boobs, a fantastic arse and also pretty. K and I always hit it off when we met. Anyway, K's boyfriend brought some strong grass round and we started to get stoned. I'd not had any for a few months because I knew the medical was coming up but stupidly dived straight in. I was wrecked on beer and grass and hit the sack while they moved on to a bit of whizz.

When I woke up the next morning, E was next to me in bed but strangely, all of K's clothes were in a pile next to the bed. K was in the spare room and her boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. I asked E what had happened the night before and why K's clothes were in our room. She said she was just going to wash them but something about her answer made me doubt her.

18 months or so later, we'd both moved on and our fling was a thing of the past. I went into a pub to meet a mate but was half an hour early. E was in there and was in exactly the same situation. I bought her a drink and we asked how each other were. The conversation soon moved to us being allowed to ask a question about our 8/9 months together and it had to be an honest answer.

E went first and asked me about a night when one of her friends said I'd kissed a girl whilst out. I honestly hadn't. Instead, I was talking to this girl all about E and how good things were.

My turn - "Right E, tell me what happened the night that we stayed at your sister's and K's clothes ended up on the floor in our room."

E said that after I crashed out, K and her boyfriend had a blazing row and he stormed out. E and K carried on drinking and got a bit frisky. It was decided that a threesome was the order of the day. They came up to the room where I was sleeping and both stripped off. I was already starkers under the duvet. Both of them took turns trying to wake me up. Both of them took turns trying to arouse me. They were straddling me, slapping my face and doing everything they could to get their wicked way with me.

E said I never moved a muscle, merely lay there on my back snoring like a chainsaw. My chance had come and gone and the first I knew of it was over a year later. They were both open minded and used to call around to my flat quite often in the time that me and E were still together but never suggested a menage a trois again. I often think it wasn't just that night that I missed out on, but potentially months of debauchery.

Who else has spectacularly failed in their bedroom exploits?
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And the moral of the story.

Kids. Say no to drugs.
 
BimboBob said:
I have a few...

Once walked a girl home and she invited me in for a brew if I was "quiet".

Things got a bit frisky in the kitchen and I ended up bending her over the sink and plowing into her. Turned out she was a bit of a moaner which resulted in her mum popping into the kitchen to see what the noise was.

I saw her come in. I stopped plowing but was still nuts deep. She gave me a look and silently left the room. I continued to plow, finishing in record time before downing my brew and leaving.

Never went back although I saw the girl in the pub a few months later and she said her mum had asked after me.

To counter that story in the 80's you could rent porn films from a local factory my mate worked at. 2 for 3 quid for the weekend. So I rented 2 on the Friday, went to the pub, came back later on to find everyone in bed. Porno on...and the next thing I remember is my Dad saying..."put it away son, thank God I was up before your mother". I had passed out with my trousers down, cock in hand.
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You fucked up there bud. You should have invited the mother to join in.
 
Suffered a severe case of cramp with an ex once. Think she took my moans of pain for pleasure and took it as a cue to up to the tempo. Excruciating.
 
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