Broken

Blue Mist said:
Ergh OK. I hope the Kings horses and all the Kings men can ergh
Put it back together again.



Is this like my fence painting thread ?
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No it's that my mum died 3 days after the parade and I have no one and my sister gets into my head and I want to die tonight today right now as it's destroyed me life's not worth doing no one heard me in ruining everything and my sister won't hear me and I'll ruin my sons life being here and I need my mum my mum my mum and I didn't want to type about it but clicked to post but then couldn't but then did that, see my head is broken.
 
kippaxkid74 said:
No it's that my mum died 3 days after the parade and I have no one and my sister gets into my head and I want to die tonight today right now as it's destroyed me life's not worth doing no one heard me in ruining everything and my sister won't hear me and I'll ruin my sons life being here and I need my mum my mum my mum and I didn't want to type about it but clicked to post but then couldn't but then did that, see my head is broken.
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You won't ruin anyone's life by being here.
 
kippaxkid74 said:
No it's that my mum died 3 days after the parade and I have no one and my sister gets into my head and I want to die tonight today right now as it's destroyed me life's not worth doing no one heard me in ruining everything and my sister won't hear me and I'll ruin my sons life being here and I need my mum my mum my mum and I didn't want to type about it but clicked to post but then couldn't but then did that, see my head is broken.
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I am so sorry. I've deleted my original post after someone pm'd me.
No offence was meant. I didn't know.
Again so sorry
 
Please ring somebody either close to you or if you can't face that call Samaritans on 116 123. You are obviously going through a lot at the moment and losing a parent is one of the hardest things anybody can go through but please let someone help you. Think of how your Son will feel if you did something stupid mate, Im sure at the Parade 3 days before life was a lot better and you can get back to feeling like that again. Call the number and let everything out, you are loved even if it doesn't feel like that right now and its OK not to be feeling Ok, you have done the first thing right in putting something on here, plenty of blues to offer advice perspective and support. Drop a PM if you feel you need to, take care of yourself my friend.
 
I think that you've posted about your Mum before and I think that she'd been poorly and deteriorating for a while? Dementia or Altzheimers maybe?
I lost my Mum the same way 18 months ago.
The grief that you're feeling right now is entirely normal. And when it's all so raw we think all kinds of things.
I've recently had a brilliant experience with Cruse, a bereavement charity. They were fantastic for me -

Contact us - Cruse Bereavement Support

Find out how to get in contact with the Cruse Bereavement Support team here. Includes phone number, address & email.
www.cruse.org.uk www.cruse.org.uk
You're not alone. If you want to PM please do x
 
You are not alone, nothing & i mean nothing, is worth hurting yourself over.
Think of your Son & the impact on him.
Talk to someone on here or ring a helpline, there are lots of very good people on here.
 
my mum died too, some years back now.

Absolutely devastated to this day, miss her terribly. She was taken too young and bloody horribly as well. No dignity at all. This was the one woman in my life that would die for me. She Brought myself and my sister up and did a fukin good job of it an’all. An absolute hero of mine. And she was my mum.

For years I felt like I’d never stop crying about it and still I get flashbacks of her lay dead with all sorts going on and it still hurts like hell.

I look at my kids and see the pain in their eyes from watching me hurt so much and their own pain of missing their nana the best nana ever to them. It twists my heart to know that they miss her and she’s Never coming back. She’ll never be there for them at all the landmark occasions and milestones. She’ll always be missing.

But I love my mum. More than anything. And I came to realise that the more I’d loved her the more I’d feel the pain of losing her. And then realised that’s not a bad thing. My pain was a direct result of the love I had for her. That made me feel happy. Knowing I loved her unconditionally for so long and my pain confirmed that. It made me smile, it still does.

Out of that thinking I thought there is only one way I can show her how much I love and miss her, and that was to make her proud. Make her proud of me, my kids and my life. Carry on her legacy, Show her that I’ll take her with me on my journey and I’ll try my best to make it the best journey possible. It also helped me to focus myself again. Get rid of some things and people I realised I didn’t need.

Mate, Your mum is,was, will be the best person ever in your life.

You’ve just got to try to be her daughter And carry her candle with you. After all her legacy is you! You carry on? then so does she!

Good luck sister cry whenever you fukin feel like it! And be proud!
 
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Hey blue. Firstly you have done the correct thing in speaking how you are feeling, and that right now admittedly you aren’t in the right place. Secondly you have a son, regardless of how often or little you see him (I’m covering all angles here) I can promise you that he will need his daddy to be there for him, you have such an amazing gift right there so please don’t think of doing anything stupid. You are a strong individual, with so much to give, and there are people who are relying on you. It sound like you need some help, you’ve reached out in your post so you can do it again. Please give Samaritans a call and they will be able to chat to you and try and assist where possible. Stay strong mate
 
theres only one carlito said:
my mum died too, some years back now.

Absolutely devastated to this day, miss her terribly. She was taken too young and bloody horribly as well. No dignity at all. This was the one woman in my life that would die for me. She Brought myself and my sister up and did a fukin good job of it an’all. An absolute hero of mine. And she was my mum.

For years I felt like I’d never stop crying about it and still I get flashbacks of her lay dead with all sorts going on and it still hurts like hell.

I look at my kids and see the pain in their eyes from watching me hurt so much and their own pain of missing their nana the best nana ever to them. It twists my heart to know that they miss her and she’s Never coming back. She’ll never be there for them at all the landmark occasions and milestones. She’ll always be missing.

But I love my mum. More than anything. And I came to realise that the more I’d loved her the more I’d feel the pain of losing her. And then realised that’s not a bad thing. My pain was a direct result of the love I had for her. That made me feel happy. Knowing I loved her unconditionally for so long and my pain confirmed that. It made me smile, it still does.

Out of that thinking I thought there is only one way I can show her how much I love and miss her, and that was to make her proud. Make her proud of me, my kids and my life. Carry on her legacy, Show her that I’ll take her with me on my journey and I’ll try my best to make it the best journey possible. It also helped me to focus myself again. Get rid of some things and people I realised I didn’t need.

Mate, Your mum is,was, will be the best person ever in your life.

You’ve just got to try to be her son. And carry her candle with you. After all her legacy is you! You carry on? then so does she!

Good luck brother, cry whenever you fukin feel like it! And be proud!
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Much love blue, it's fucking horrible losing a parent. I lost my dad last year, he was only 64 and it came totally out of the blue.
 
kippaxkid74 said:
No it's that my mum died 3 days after the parade and I have no one and my sister gets into my head and I want to die tonight today right now as it's destroyed me life's not worth doing no one heard me in ruining everything and my sister won't hear me and I'll ruin my sons life being here and I need my mum my mum my mum and I didn't want to type about it but clicked to post but then couldn't but then did that, see my head is broken.
Click to expand...

Reach out please mate to anyone on here or preferably to the Samaritans. People love you, the world is a better place with you in it.

Just reach out, talk, please.

Send me a PM, anyone, help is always there.
 
Hi kippaxkid bet you have some great stories of the old stand and your son will love you to share those memories with him, being a dad is a special responsibility which is why you’re his dad. Losing a parent is an unbelievable pain and obviously you loved your Mum, she would want you to take care of your son and her grandson. If you want to chat I’m always availabl, take care mucka
 
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