Joke thread

[Sam101]

I’ve got a contract to supply little straw roofs for airline desks at the airport, but I won’t know how many to invoice till I finish the job.





Because you can’t count your check-ins till they’re thatched.

 

[Sam101]

What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?




One's an elephant.

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[bladdered]

Bygone humour...

 

[Blue Mist]

What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?




One's an elephant.

You do realise we know who you are :-)

 

[Citizen of Legoland]

Bygone humour...

Bygone? Yes.
Humour? Err …

 

[denislawsbackheel]

A poem for Star Wars Day

Her name was Joda
A show girl she was


Brian Bilston

 

[Vienna_70]

The Stranglers popped round and have eaten all my chocolates!



View attachment 155044

I was about to ask whatever happened to them?

 

[NZBlue]

Greedy bastards. Just been to the bog after them. It were golden brown.

Just be thankful it wasn't Coldplay

 

[sir baconface]

 

[Sam101]

To the person who hacked my account, I will find you



Edit: No you won't

 

[KS55]

That is fucking shocking!

I know there’s a lot of competition, but this has to be one of the worst jokes in the entire thread.

A ridic pun always tickles me.

 

[Vienna_70]

My dustbin is absolutely full of toadstools.

How do you know it’s full?

Because there’s not mushroom inside.

 

[chris63]

90% of bald men still own a comb

They just can't part with it .

 

[Norbert D]

i say i say i say my dogs got no nose.

How does he smell?

Bloody awful!

 

[Uwe Already]

Walking along a cliff path the other day, I saw a young woman approaching in the opposite direction wearing a very skimpy bikini. It was too narrow to pass, I didn't know whether to turn back or toss myself off...

 

[fanatic1]

Walking along a cliff path the other day, I saw a young woman approaching in the opposite direction wearing a very skimpy bikini. It was too narrow to pass, I didn't know whether to turn back or toss myself off...

With reference to an old Max Miller joke - The punchline should be "I didn't know whether to block her passage or toss myself off" - not surprisingly banned by the BBC.

 

[Blue Llama]

My dustbin is absolutely full of toadstools.

How do you know it’s full?

Because there’s not mushroom inside.

You there Lonnie?

 

[Blue Llama]

i say i say i say my dogs got no nose.

How does he smell?

Bloody awful!

Definitely you Lonnie.

 

[noseve]

i say i say i say my dogs got no nose.

How does he smell?

Bloody awful!

I knew one with no tongue.

He was a lovely boy, old Smelly Bollocks.