Joke thread

[BlueFurn]

Or even when, at half time during a match, Roy Keane says he can only play in the second half if he gets a cortisone injection.

Dave pipes up "if he's getting a new car I want one too!"

Dave? Fucking Dave?
Twat Beckham….

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[sir baconface]

 

[forlorn hope]

 

[noseve]

My friend's son first day as a binman:

One household hasn't put their bin out, so he rings the bell. No answer, so he strolls around the back.

A Chinaman opens the back door "Wo' you want?"

"Where's your bin, mate?"

"I been in the bathloom" said the man, slightly surprised at the question.

"No, no, sorry mate - I meant, where's your dust bin?"

"Rike I said, I dust been in the bathloom" growing angry.

The lad decides to try one more time
"Please, just tell me where's your wheelie bin?"

"Okay, okay - I wheelie been... having wank!"

 

[noseve]

My friend's son first day as a binman:

One household hasn't put their bin out, so he rings the bell. No answer, so he strolls around the back.

A Chinaman opens the back door "Wo' you want?"

"Where's your bin, mate?"

"I been in the bathloom" said the man, slightly surprised at the question.

"No, no, sorry mate - I meant, where's your dust bin?"

"Rike I said, I dust been in the bathloom" growing angry.

The lad decides to try one more time
"Please, just tell me where's your wheelie bin?"

"Okay, okay - I wheelie been... having wank!"

I'd better acknowledge that the above joke does draw upon certain stereotypes.



So, apologies if I offended any wankers out there :-)

 

[mosssideblue]

 

[bladdered]

 

[Mr Fraser]

I'd better acknowledge that the above joke does draw upon certain stereotypes.



So, apologies if I offended any wankers out there :-)

I am deeply offended but still chuckling. A better version of telling the waiter in a chinese that the chicken was rubbery

 

[KS55]

My friend's son first day as a binman:

One household hasn't put their bin out, so he rings the bell. No answer, so he strolls around the back.

A Chinaman opens the back door "Wo' you want?"

"Where's your bin, mate?"

"I been in the bathloom" said the man, slightly surprised at the question.

"No, no, sorry mate - I meant, where's your dust bin?"

"Rike I said, I dust been in the bathloom" growing angry.

The lad decides to try one more time
"Please, just tell me where's your wheelie bin?"

"Okay, okay - I wheelie been... having wank!"

Presumably just after the election.

 

[Casey69]

My wife’s butch supervisor has gone to a Greek island for a holiday!
Lesbos?
Think so!

 

[Blue_eyes]

I told my friend that Im taking the wife on a romantic trip around the south pacific islands.

Are you going to Tonga? he asked.

What we get up to is our fcking business!!!

 

[meltonblue]

Bloke goes into a barbers in Newcastle and asks for a perm.

Barber says “Ah wandad lurnly as a clowd…”

 

[JASR]

I told my friend that Im taking the wife on a romantic trip around the south pacific islands.

Are you going to Tonga? he asked.

What we get up to is our fcking business!!!

Clearly a Palau is a bit Nauru minded.

 

[roman totale]

 

[Vienna_70]

A friend near Bradford is having a kitchen refit.

Shelf?

No, a brand new set of cupboards.

 

[Vienna_70]

When God was giving out sex lives, he gave man 20 years.

Next, God went to monkey, and told him he would have 20 years sex life as well. The monkey said, I don’t need 20; ten years is enough for me.

Man immediately pipes up, "Can I have the ten that monkey doesn’t want?" Reluctantly, God agreed.

Then, God went to donkey, told him that he could have 20 years sex life, but just like monkey, donkey said that ten years was enough for him.

Again, man begged God to give him the ten that donkey didn’t want, to which God also agreed.

Next God went to lion with the same offer; 20 years sex life, but just like monkey and donkey, lion insisted that ten years was enough.

Once again, man pleaded with God to give him the ten years that lion doesn’t want, and again , God agreed.

So, now you know why man has 20 years normal sex life, ten years monkeying around, ten years making an ass of himself and ten years lion about it.

 

[KS55]

A friend near Bradford is having a kitchen refit.

Shelf?

No, a brand new set of cupboards.

My bet is that most Mancs have never heard of Shelf.

 

[blue b4 the moon]

Bloke goes into a barbers in Newcastle and asks for a perm.

Barber says “Ah wandad lurnly as a clowd…”

Would sound better being from North Yorkshire.

 

[East Level 2]

My bet is that most Mancs have never heard of Shelf.

Part of the old White Hart Lane wasn't it?