Top Tip: if your missus asks is this dress nice,don’t say

You know that thing when you say 'what's the matter?'

And the lady of the house says 'Nothing!'

But she says it in a way that really says, there is something that is the matter, yes. Of course there is. And you should know what it is without having to ask. Without me telling you. And if i have to tell you, it will make that thing ten times worse. So, go sort it out.....!

That's where i am at the moment. Trying to figure out how many paragraphs she got into just one word.

I feel your pain, bro.
 
Well I’m inside now. She’s in her bed. I’ve just had something to eat and am presently watching the Tory Party meltdown.

Swings and roundabouts.

Have done with it, kip on the sofa and when she asks why you didnt come to bed say that there wasnt enough room before presenting her with a packet of ryvita and a tub of light cottage cheese with pineapple.
 
It doesn’t fit you.

Holy fuck, I am now in the broken down hut adjacent to the dog house.

She said to me the other week, I’ve put on a bit of weight and some of my clothes don’t fit. Usual every year after a winter.

Asks me, I repeat back what she said and now I’m accused of calling her fat.

She is going through the menopause early and this as it turned out, wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

Before I go to the hut, I’m sitting in the garden listening to Mark Radcliffe on 6, with a big glass of wine.

I think I will sneak in later for something to eat. Too dangerous right now. She’s from Fife. Enough said.

What a day.

So if your Mrs asks something similar, lie like fuck, that’s all I’m saying.


Guilty as charged here too MP

Saying “it looked better on the hanger” is a sure fire one way ticket to the spare bedroom :)
 
Have done with it, kip on the sofa and when she asks why you didnt come to bed say that there wasnt enough room before presenting her with a packet of ryvita and a tub of light cottage cheese with pineapple.

I nearly choked on my coffee. :)
 
"Does my bum look big in this?"
"Enormous"
"Thank you, Darling" *
BOOM *
*Delete as appropriate.
 

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