What's the most drunk you've ever been?

Too many times to mention - I fell in the canal once in Manchester trying to walk across an wet slippery lock gate there was no pusher in sight it was all me.
 
Holiday in Portugal many years ago. After a drunken binge, I decided on an early morning dip. It was about 5.00am and dawn had come. After 10 mins or so I turned to the beach, it looked quite far to me, so decided to swim back. Unfortunately, I seemed to be getting further and further out.
Beautiful morning mind you. 10 minutes later I could hardly see the beach, and begun to worry a tad.
I gave up swimming, and lay on my back to have a think. I decided to try and swim parallel to the beach as there might be a headland or something, sobering up quite quickly, I realised nobody would have a clue where I was, and would not be missed until lunchtime.
After about another 30 minutes, half swimming , but mainly trying to conserve energy, I heard a faint sound, putta, putta, about 100yards away was a small boat, a one man fishing boat with an outboard motor.
One guy on board and he had seen me.
He dragged me on board, and shouted something, my Portuguese was not so good(still isnt).
He took me to a landing stage which was about a mile from where I had entered the sea. Bedraggled I made my way Back to the beach where my swim had started, and picked up my gear.
Told none of my mates about it, and said nothing for years about my attempt to swim to the states.
I later learnt about RIP tides and their danger.

Never did thank that Portuguese fisherman.

Similar thing happened to me about twenty years ago. Not drunk , but a stormy sea. It was the evening, no-one whatsoever was around (oh, and I'm not a good swimmer). You were very, very lucky, mate, and I'm sure you know it. So was I. We should both be dead, by rights.
 
Many, many years ago when I was young and stupid. It was Christmas Eve, and the office convention was that you "worked" until midday - work being fairly casual and mainly a matter of telling jokes and discussing football - then adjourned to the pub. (Life was much more civilised then, we were not under the rule of puritans and prigs like we are now, and at Christmas anything went.) If memory is true it was the Lower Turks Head, although why the hell we went there eludes me. Anyway, had about eight pints and the odd short. Then staggered back to the office where most of the crew were still absent. At least some had probably bogged off home, although in theory we were "working". Any road for some weird reason this mate of mine and I decided that a bottle of Harvey's Bristol Cream would be in order, so we popped off and got one. We drank the whole bottle between us bar for the odd glass we gave to one of the girls. And then, in an act of amazing stupidity, we decided on a second bottle of the stuff.

After this, I staggered to the bus. Was just about home when I started to feel really ill. Just about made it to my bus stop, where I got off and puked profusely into the litter bin, in full view of the punters. I was still feeling rough so decided a walk round Hillock Playing Fields was in order. Puked again, but started to feel a bit better. Got home and had to tell my Mum I wasn't quite up for tea yet.

Do you know, it was years before I could stomach the taste of sherry again? Even now the thought of it gives me a vaguely sickly feeling in the stomach.
 
I'm surprised peoffrey hasn't posted yet.

Goodness!

Three trips to hospital, waking up twenty miles away on public transport, unsure who the girl next to me in bed was (and where I was), shit the hotel bed, shagged a female friend that then ruined the friendship, fell asleep in a rock club, in a taxi, on a park bench and in an abandoned car. Probably others.

When I went to football it was a Leo Sayer due to the travel. 10am cans on the Euston train. I’d be on it until the pubs kicked out. Not big. Not clever. Some mad times though.

What’s strange is that I rarely, if ever, drink at home. There’s no alcohol in my fridge.
 
I was about 17 and got very pissed and copped off in the conte club with a bird from Salford who was mid 40s. Took me back to hers and I was leathered and she started to get an array of larger and larger sex toys out. I wasn’t far off a virgin and was scared to death.

It still lives with me to this day that about 3 hours after leaving her house after being taught a few tricks that I ended up on stage with sooty and sweep at Granada studios being squirted with a water pistol in front of an audience stil dressed in the same clothes.
 
Had some horrendous ones in my twenties.

Really bad 4 day benders. But the most pissed I have ever been started in a strip club in Las Vegas. I was being lap danced whilst on the phone to the natwest fraud team trying to get my card re activated.

I can only assume I was drugged as well.

Woke up the next day in a car with my mate and 2 Vegas hil billies in the desert who had a gun in their car. Thought I was going to get shot or raped in he middle of the desert. Missed my plane home by a few days and during the same bender was thrown out of a Celine Dion concert for heckling and got absolutely kicked to fuck by security. Oh to be young again.

Did the hillbillies expect or provide a happy ending?
 
Did the hillbillies expect or provide a happy ending?

They asked me for cash and followed me back to a casino and they looked very much like the chuckle brothers. They kept on saying we have looked after you and we want cash.
 
Passed P Coy in 96. Got told on the fri. Hadn’t had a drink for over 6 months. Went to Bishop Auckland for the Friday wi a mate who was seeing a nurse from there. When we got to her place she was in a mard and decided she wasn’t coming out and went to stay at her mates. We were staying in her house. Before she left she made a point of saying I wasn’t allowed to sleep in the spare bed and had to sleep on the couch (she had left the plastic on all but her arm chair). Tbh I wasn’t arsed or at least I thought I wasn’t. Went out got twatted, end of the night got cracking wi two lasses, one fit one fat. Thought I was in wi the fitty until she got out the taxi and it was me n grotbag. My mate had wrote the address of where we were staying on a piece of paper and grotty had it. I’m in her kitchen and she wouldn’t give me the address so I decided to go for it but couldn’t get passed kissing because my hands didn’t meet when cuddling her. So I told her I would smash the place up if she didn’t give me the address. Her dad (Geoff capes) came in wi a towel wrapped round him and asked what the fucks going on. Obviously being a half para I fucking shit myself. Next thing the mums in and really sound. Turns out this lass brings lads back all the time and they’re sick of it. Unbelievably the mum drives me back to me mates place. When I get there I pass out on the plastic couch. I woke up at 0730 naked on the plastic covered couch, looked at the carpet and I’d had a massive liquid shit in the middle of it. Then I realised I’d wiped my arse on the arm of the lasses uncovered chair. Needless to say I woke me mate up got him to come downstairs, he went back upstairs and packed his clobber and we bugged the fuck out. He never spoke to her again. I served 5 years after that and was known as shitter for the whole time. Coincidentally I left the paras and have been a nurse for 20yrs.
 
Smirnoff vodka promotion night at UMIST. Every time you bought a vodka you got a raffle ticket where you either got Smirnoff merchandise or a free vodka. I kept getting free vodkas. 3 hours later it was projectile vomit in the hall of residence toilets. Took me days to get over it and not had a drop of vodka since - that was 30 years ago.
So that promotion was a bit of a bust for Smirnoff then :-)
 

Don't have an account? Register now and see fewer ads!

SIGN UP
Back
Top
  AdBlock Detected
Bluemoon relies on advertising to pay our hosting fees. Please support the site by disabling your ad blocking software to help keep the forum sustainable. Thanks.