Joke thread

[RadcliffeRick]

Was on my stag doo in Benidorm recently.
We're all in this bar and talking to a gang of girls on a hen doo,i end up talking to a big un.
After about30 mins,she starts talking a bit dirty,another 10 mins goes by,shes getting worse.
she says "i want something in my mouth tonight"
i say " oh right,really"?.....she says "Yeah,i'll give you a clue...it's got 4 letters in it and starts with C....can you guess"?
I looked her up and down and says "Cake"?

She was a lesbian? Oh wait, cock, makes sense now :-)

 

[RadcliffeRick]

Paddys wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 yrs they have been married .
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex and a cool breeze may help .
Being a bit tight , he decides not to by a fan , but asks his friend to waft a towel over them during the act .
After half an hour still no sign of success so his mate suggests swapping places . ' I'll have a try Paddy , you waft the towel '
Paddy agrees , and after two or three minutes Paddys wife has a moment of sexual pleasure for the first time in 15 years .
Paddy turns to his mate smugly and says 'And that old mate is how you waft a bloody towel' !

 

[Fred_Quimby]

Or a deer with no eyes and no legs? - Still no idea.

And what do you call an impotent deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no f..king idea.

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

A Jewish guy went shopping to Asda. After walking round thinking it was expensive, he decided to have a word with the store manager... "Excuse me, I thought this supermarket was supposed to be cheap, and what are these roll backs supposed to mean?"...The manager replied "yes sir, we are always checking our prices against our competitors. When we find their prices are cheaper we roll ours back"... Quick as a flash the Jewish quy unzipped his fly and pulled his knob out saying "I bet you can't roll this back".

 

[DrBlueBob]

And what do you call an impotent deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no f..king idea.

I gave this a like, not because it's good but it made me rather nostalgic.

 

[Fred_Quimby]

I gave this a like, not because it's good but it made me rather nostalgic.

Yep, the old ones are still the best :)

 

[DrBlueBob]

Yep, the old ones are still the best :)

Actually your user name makes me nostalgic. Watch Tom & Jerry cartoons we would all shout "Good old Fred!" when your name came up on screen.
In a similar vein I keep meaning to reply S.C.M.O.D.S. every time @The Light Was Yellow Sir posts

 

[The Light Was Yellow Sir]

Actually your user name makes me nostalgic. Watch Tom & Jerry cartoons we would all shout "Good old Fred!" when your name came up on screen.
In a similar vein I keep meaning to reply S.C.M.O.D.S. every time @The Light Was Yellow Sir posts

You wouldn’t find an old Mount Prospect police car without it!

 

[DrBlueBob]

You wouldn’t find an old Mount Prospect police car without it!

They had a lot of pick up. Dodgy cigarette lighters though.

 

[The Light Was Yellow Sir]

They had a lot of pick up. Dodgy cigarette lighters though.

I hate Illinois Nazis!
It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.