Dealing with Loss

Mezrah

Well-Known Member
Joined
26 Jul 2015
Messages
544
Location
Denmark
So just this afternoon my grandad (mom's side) just passed away. Heard he simply just slumped down and dropped dead. He had cancer in his whole body so we knew it would happen sooner or later.. thing is I've been fortunate enough not to lose a person in my life since childhood.
How am I supposed to feel? I feel bad and at the same time I feel like I can't give it a thought cause I'm at work. Maybe I'll bawl my eyes out when I get off work.. I Don't know.. I just doesn't Know anything at all right now to be honest...
 
Sorry to hear that. Just take your time and dont overthink how you are meant to feel. Just remember bereavement is a process and there are several phases to it that dont all follow a set order.
 
Don't preempt the grieving process mate, we all grieve differently. I've lost many friends and family over the years and my reactions have never been the same twice...
Don't feel guilty about whatever reaction you have, it will all come out in its own good time..

Sorry for your loss..
 
So just this afternoon my grandad (mom's side) just passed away. Heard he simply just slumped down and dropped dead. He had cancer in his whole body so we knew it would happen sooner or later.. thing is I've been fortunate enough not to lose a person in my life since childhood.
How am I supposed to feel? I feel bad and at the same time I feel like I can't give it a thought cause I'm at work. Maybe I'll bawl my eyes out when I get off work.. I Don't know.. I just doesn't Know anything at all right now to be honest...
I was close to my Grandparents and when they died it felt like the natural order of things. You will be upset but the fact you are in work means you are probably coping. Remember the good times you shared with him and support your Mum. I’ve not met anyone who’s lost a parent that hasn’t had a huge feeling of grief when it happens, it absolutely rocks your world. The only thing I’d say is it does get easier but it takes time, best wishes to you and your family.
 
There's no set way to grieve fella. If you feel like bawling your eyes out, do it. No one will think any the less of you for it. If it helps, here's some advice I heard donkey's years ago; remember the good times, forget the bad ones.
 
Don’t feel guilty if you feel nothing.

I didn’t when both my folks died.
 
Time to share one of the greatest ever Reddit posts:

Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
 
I'd like to thank all of you for the nice words and advice! So far there's been no bawling.. But I feel it under the surface.. Thank god I've got enough confidence in myself to do it whenever and wherever no matter who's onlooking. He was a kind man and I'll always treasure his memory and my memories with him. I'll spend the next days making sure my grandma and mother are okay. Again thank you, thank you, thank you!
 

Don't have an account? Register now and see fewer ads!

SIGN UP
Back
Top
  AdBlock Detected
Bluemoon relies on advertising to pay our hosting fees. Please support the site by disabling your ad blocking software to help keep the forum sustainable. Thanks.