Children leaving home

My eldest sister had one who was just a naughty little shit, pull your hair out infuriating. I have no idea to this day how she coped. I can only imagine your situation to be magnified. You have done the very best that can be asked of a parent. That is seeing her through the very vulnerable years as a child mentally. You both should be very proud of your efforts. You are still there for her but you must have a certain quality of life yourselves or you will become less effective as a partnership to continue supporting her through life.

You could put a large percentage value on the kids of this world who would do anything to have parents like yourselves, remember that!

I do know an older couple who refuse to let their son go into care, he has some mental disorder. He can be violent and very cruel. It is heartbreaking to see them feel guilty and put themselves through something that does not have to happen. Seriously, they are shells of people Peace Frog and it has ruined their life to be brutally honest. They could not manage to bring any balance. So i see 3 lives stunted badly through misplaced love when all 3 could have a decent quality of life if he went into care.
 
2 out of 3 of mine have left home. Pair of them have been assholes in their own way and one even tried to come back for a short period. But they are both in steady relationships now and standing on their own two feet so I must have done something right.

The youngest is in her second year at Uni, living at home. She may move out for her third year bit she's not decided yet.

The point is that all kids are different, and as parent we do what we think is right and hope it's enough. Most of the time we get lucky but sometimes we don't.
 
You have absolutely done the right thing, she is a young adult now and will thrive having “independence” albeit with supervision and support. You and your wife and your other daughter sound like you have provided an outstanding family life for her up to now, and you will continue to do so. Just because she no longer lives under the same roof as yourselves, doesn’t mean you care any less. This is such a milestone, and the reason we have children is to allow them to forge their own path into the future. You have achieved this goal against many odds. You thinking about yourselves for the first time in many years is well deserved, and will enable all of your futures to be bright. Take care.
 
peace frog said:
quite embarrassed I wrote this post,i was at a bit of a low this morning, anyway we dropped her off at about 5pm and stayed for a couple of hours,funny thing is I sometimes think I can still hear her in the house,thanks for all the kind words,we will be fine once we get used to the silence and free time,the wife is going away for a week with the eldest daughter for a week in sept ,im going to get some fishing done and a bit of me time , thanks once again to all that's posted,
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Nowt to be embarrassed about mate. If you’re at work in the morning keep an eye out for air Canada flight 1930 at 10:45 am and I’ll give you a hug ;)
 
All anyone can do is do their best and you and your wife have 100% done that. My first wife had a brother who had to go into a care home early on in life, he's still there and getting better care than he could have got at home. But I know the choice is a tough one same as with how to look after parents who get ill or have dementia. Part of you says it's your job to take the care on yourself because that's what families do and part of you comes to see you can't do it any longer.
I hope you and your missus get a good holiday together soon, go up to the Lakes for the peace & quiet maybe. Anyway good luck and God Bless.
 
BlueMoonRisin' said:
Just because you are perhaps feeling guilty you've been failing your daughter does not mean you have failed mate. All you can do is do your best.

Reading that reminded me of my daughters. Eldest is 22 and graduated in nursing last year, she's a district nurse now. She is bright happy and outwardly confident, although she suffers anxiety which she sometimes struggles to overcome. She is fairly confident driver now having passed her test about 3 years but goes into a panic attack when I mention she needs to try driving on the motorway.

My youngest is also 17, she was born with microcephaly and we were told when she was 2 by a specialist she may only live to being 16. My ex Mrs was inconsolable at the time with worry. I must admit I shed a few tears on hearing that. But we vowed we'd bring her up as normal as can be and we have. She was on meds for ADHD until about 3 years ago and is undergoing tests for autism, which myself and her mum think she's on the spectrum. Last 12 months have been difficult for us as she needs to eat more but often says she's not hungry. I don't think she has anorexia nervosa but she definitely has traits of it. Took her to the game Saturday and she said she couldn't handle the crowds, I did think I'd have to take her home but I assured her she'd be ok and she got through it. She is very shy and introvert and is at college doing a course on animal welfare, and she seems happy enough(on the surface) but I sometimes worry if she is happy in life.

I was going to PM you as it's not easy for me to write about my youngest daughter's problems. But I thought I'd share this openly because (like you and your Mrs PF) we have done our best to bring our children up as equal in a loving environment as you undoubtably have, and you can both hold your head up high that you too have done your best: ) I think your youngest will get the specialist care that you can't provide. No need to feel guilty of failure bud.

Good luck to your eldest at uni.
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My niece is 30. Been driving since she was 17. Never driven on a motorway. In all other walks of life she is very confident.

Hope your youngest does well.

OP, hope you and your wife enjoy some time together. It’s just my wife and me most of the time as my lad is at Liverpool uni too. Whilst I miss him like mad I’m very proud of what he’s doing and do enjoy our time together. And the house is much tidier!
 
update,
thanks for all the support I've received on this thread, it really does help, a problem shared and all that

my daughter has been in her new home for nearly a month now, me and my wife take it in turns to visit 2/3 times a week so not to overwhelm my daughter.

the place is excellent ,the staff are amazing and she seems to have settled in really well, her sleeping pattern is improving and so is her behaviour according to the reports we have received ,I think we are over our guilt ,although I do have my moments,

cheers all.
 
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