mancity2012_eamo
Well-Known Member
I defrosted the fridge last night. Or foreplay as the wife calls it.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Fred_Quimby
Well-Known Member
BlueMoonRisin’
Well-Known Member
A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before on why you were speeding, I'll let you go."
The old man replied - "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back."!
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before on why you were speeding, I'll let you go."
The old man replied - "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back."!
Back in the 70’s in South Africa there was a curfew against the blacks where they couldn’t be on the streets after 8pm. Two racist cops were on patrol at 7:45 when a local black lad was cycling, peddling like billyho to get home. One of the policemen raised his gun and shot the cyclist in his leg and arrested him. The black lad said “its 15 minutes until the curfew, why did you shoot me?” Copper, “ I know where you live, you wouldn’t have made it home on time”. Unfortunately, even though that’s clearly made up it was only a little deviation from the truth.A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before on why you were speeding, I'll let you go."
The old man replied - "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back."!
Indaparkside
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 28 Dec 2015
- Messages
- 14,560
An old lady asked me to check her balance at the bank today?? So i pushed her over
blue12
Well-Known Member
Pep Guardiola decides to come out of retirement and play for Man City, he goes into the changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" He asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Man Utd.They're crap and we can't be bothered".
Pep looks at them and says "Well I know I'm a bit old and bald now, but I reckon I can beat them by myself, you lads go down the pub."
So Pep goes out to play Man Utd by himself and the rest of the Man City team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the TV on. A big cheer goes up as the screen shows
"Man City 1 (Guardiola 10 minutes) – Man Utd 0
He is beating Man Utd all by himself! Anyway, a few more beers later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on" They put the TV on.
"Result from The Etihad Stadium : Man City 1 (Guardiola 10 minutes) – Man Utd 1 (Pogba ( pen) 89 minutes)
They can't believe it, he has single handed got a draw against Man Utd! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down I've let you down"
"Don't be stupid Pep, you got a draw against Utd all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!"
Pep says "No, No, I have, I've let you down!. I got sent off after 12 minutes!"
"What's up?" He asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Man Utd.They're crap and we can't be bothered".
Pep looks at them and says "Well I know I'm a bit old and bald now, but I reckon I can beat them by myself, you lads go down the pub."
So Pep goes out to play Man Utd by himself and the rest of the Man City team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the TV on. A big cheer goes up as the screen shows
"Man City 1 (Guardiola 10 minutes) – Man Utd 0
He is beating Man Utd all by himself! Anyway, a few more beers later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on" They put the TV on.
"Result from The Etihad Stadium : Man City 1 (Guardiola 10 minutes) – Man Utd 1 (Pogba ( pen) 89 minutes)
They can't believe it, he has single handed got a draw against Man Utd! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down I've let you down"
"Don't be stupid Pep, you got a draw against Utd all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!"
Pep says "No, No, I have, I've let you down!. I got sent off after 12 minutes!"
Yaya Toure decides to come out of retirement and play for Man City, he goes into the changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" He asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Man Utd.They're crap and we can't be bothered".
Yaya looks at them and says "Well I know I'm a bit old and bald now, but I reckon I can beat them by myself, you lads go down the pub."
So Yaya goes out to play Man Utd by himself and the rest of the Man City team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the TV on. A big cheer goes up as the screen shows
"Man City 1 (Yaya 10 minutes) – Man Utd 0
He is beating Man Utd all by himself! Anyway, a few more beers later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on" They put the TV on.
"Result from The Etihad Stadium : Man City 1 (Yaya 10 minutes) – Man Utd 1 (Pogba ( pen) 89 minutes)
They can't believe it, he has single handed got a draw against Man Utd! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down I've let you down"
"Don't be stupid Yaya, you got a draw against Utd all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!"
Yaya says "No, No, I have, I've let you down!. I got sent off after 12 minutes!"
"What's up?" He asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Man Utd.They're crap and we can't be bothered".
Yaya looks at them and says "Well I know I'm a bit old and bald now, but I reckon I can beat them by myself, you lads go down the pub."
So Yaya goes out to play Man Utd by himself and the rest of the Man City team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the TV on. A big cheer goes up as the screen shows
"Man City 1 (Yaya 10 minutes) – Man Utd 0
He is beating Man Utd all by himself! Anyway, a few more beers later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on" They put the TV on.
"Result from The Etihad Stadium : Man City 1 (Yaya 10 minutes) – Man Utd 1 (Pogba ( pen) 89 minutes)
They can't believe it, he has single handed got a draw against Man Utd! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down I've let you down"
"Don't be stupid Yaya, you got a draw against Utd all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!"
Yaya says "No, No, I have, I've let you down!. I got sent off after 12 minutes!"
Chris in London
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 21 Sep 2009
- Messages
- 12,986
Vincent Kompany decides to come out of retirement and play for Man City, he goes into the changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" He asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Man Utd.They're crap and we can't be bothered".
Vinnie looks at them and says "Well I know I'm a bit old and bald now, but I reckon I can beat them by myself, you lads go down the pub."
So Vinnie goes out to play Man Utd by himself and the rest of the Man City team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the TV on. A big cheer goes up as the screen shows
"Man City 1 (Kompany 10 minutes) – Man Utd 0
He is beating Man Utd all by himself! Anyway, a few more beers later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on" They put the TV on.
"Result from The Etihad Stadium : Man City 1 (Kompany 10 minutes) – Man Utd 1 (Pogba ( pen) 89 minutes)
They can't believe it, he has single handed got a draw against Man Utd! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down I've let you down"
"Don't be stupid you got a draw against Utd all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!"
Vinnie says "No, No, I have, I've let you down!. I got sent off after 12 minutes!"
"What's up?" He asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Man Utd.They're crap and we can't be bothered".
Vinnie looks at them and says "Well I know I'm a bit old and bald now, but I reckon I can beat them by myself, you lads go down the pub."
So Vinnie goes out to play Man Utd by himself and the rest of the Man City team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the TV on. A big cheer goes up as the screen shows
"Man City 1 (Kompany 10 minutes) – Man Utd 0
He is beating Man Utd all by himself! Anyway, a few more beers later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on" They put the TV on.
"Result from The Etihad Stadium : Man City 1 (Kompany 10 minutes) – Man Utd 1 (Pogba ( pen) 89 minutes)
They can't believe it, he has single handed got a draw against Man Utd! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down I've let you down"
"Don't be stupid you got a draw against Utd all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!"
Vinnie says "No, No, I have, I've let you down!. I got sent off after 12 minutes!"