TheBlueDune
Well-Known Member
Two Scottish cons?
Ben Doon and Phil McCracken?
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Ben Doon and Phil McCracken?
Indaparkside
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 28 Dec 2015
- Messages
- 14,563
My wife said she's leaving me because I'm obsessed with supermarkets. “Do you want any help with your packing?" I said.
Your off your trolly
Indaparkside
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 28 Dec 2015
- Messages
- 14,563
Two nuns riding a tandom one said have we come this way before, the other said no it must be the coble stone'sPlease stop googling 'Jokes from 1986'
An old one
A recovering alcoholic Judge is going to a party with his fellow Qc’s. His wife tells him to avoid slipping off the wagon as he leaves the house.
Five hours later he returns, disheveled, pissed and his Dinner Jacket covered in vomit, his wife opens the door and looks at him in despair, he composes himself and manages to convince her he had not been drinking. He tells her a young hooligan had puked over him on the train, he said he’d had him arrested and he personally was going to sentence him in court the following morning.
At around noon the next day the Judge got a phone call from his wife, she said:
“Did you sentence that young man who vomited over you last night?”
“Oh yes, I gave the punk 6 months in a young offenders institution”
“Well dear you should give him an extra six months because he also shit in your underpants”.
A recovering alcoholic Judge is going to a party with his fellow Qc’s. His wife tells him to avoid slipping off the wagon as he leaves the house.
Five hours later he returns, disheveled, pissed and his Dinner Jacket covered in vomit, his wife opens the door and looks at him in despair, he composes himself and manages to convince her he had not been drinking. He tells her a young hooligan had puked over him on the train, he said he’d had him arrested and he personally was going to sentence him in court the following morning.
At around noon the next day the Judge got a phone call from his wife, she said:
“Did you sentence that young man who vomited over you last night?”
“Oh yes, I gave the punk 6 months in a young offenders institution”
“Well dear you should give him an extra six months because he also shit in your underpants”.
Last edited:
A bloke's walking down the city street to meet his mates at the club.
He comes across this down and out guy sitting on the sidewalk leaning against a wall who looks up says,
" Hi mate can you spare any money?"
The bloke replies "If I give you money are you going to spend it on booze?"
The guy says "oh no no no don't worry about that"
The bloke says "that's too bad, all my money is going for booze."
He comes across this down and out guy sitting on the sidewalk leaning against a wall who looks up says,
" Hi mate can you spare any money?"
The bloke replies "If I give you money are you going to spend it on booze?"
The guy says "oh no no no don't worry about that"
The bloke says "that's too bad, all my money is going for booze."
jimharri
Moderator
Describe yourself in 3 words:
Lazy
Lazy
dronefromsector7G
Well-Known Member
Looking around in disappointment, my girlfriend said, "When you told me I'd never forget tonight, I was expecting a big ring." "All in good time love," I said, reaching for the lube. "All in good time!
60% of people can do basic arithmetic, the other 50% are rubbish at it.Describe yourself in 3 words:
Lazy
jimharri
Moderator
What about the other10%?60% of people can do basic arithmetic, the other 50% are rubbish at it.