The "let's talk" thread

This seems rather insubstantial compared with some of the things I’ve read but my Dad’s very unwell and isn’t going to get any better. It’s been coming for a while and I really don’t know how I’m gonna cope when the day comes.

As most know I live a fair distance away but we’ve spoken on FaceTime most days for the last seven years (so I have more contact now than I had when I lived in Manchester). He’s still the first person I want to call after a good deal at work and the only nightmare I ever have, rather than monsters or being attacked is him passing and telling me he’s scared and me not being able to do anything.

It’s a **** of a disease and it’s destroyed this 6’ 3” big, hard, sharp, clever, loving bastard that’s spent the last 38 years being the rock I anchor my world against. I’m equally petrified and so very sad. I don’t let on to my Mrs, I don’t cry when I’m on the blower to him, even when he does (I save that for after we hang up) but I just don’t know what I’m going to do on that day.

I dont think anything would be insubstantial on this thread if its fucking somebody up.

My Dad was my best mate and I lost him a few years ago. I dreaded the day too, it was cancer that was missed when it should have been picked up.
When that day comes it will be one of the worst you will ever have. You will cope, after all you have to live on like he did when he lost his dad. Try not to think to much about that day and make the most of the time.
 
Im currently really struggling. Cocaine, gambling, alcohol have stolen my sanity. The bouts of depression i get after ive failed yet again to kick away my addictions are getting worse. Ive lost countless job this year, im struggling to leave the house at the minute, but what i do know is im on the path to recover. I start my steps with my sponsor on sunday AGAIN, and ive started taking my medication again and i will stick to it this time. I know my life could be great i just need to sort my addictions. The life of an addict is no fun at all. Its fuckin scary world im only 30 but my life has been ruled by addiction, since i was 14/15. Ive never had any money and always been is huge somes of debt but this year has been my worse i have lost so much. I do believe cocaine is playing a major role in mental health issues today so many people do it. Thats me anyway thought would get the ball rolling. I do have family still around me and a lot support i have two young boys 5 and 7 and my wife., im unbelievably lucky that they have stuck around
It's a cliche maybe but very true. The hardest but most useful step you will take is accepting you have a problem and that you need to tackle it. You seem to have done that. Every step forward you take may be an effort but is a step in the right direction. Good luck.
 
Small step at a time mate.
Are you on Alopurinal for the gout?
Mine flares up sometimes if it’s cold or damp.
Also not always alcohol related, could be the food. Eat plenty of food with iron in.
Believe it or not exercise can trigger gout!
Yeah, Allopurinol for the gout, Ramipril and Amlodipine for blood pressure.
 
Am not the most popular guy here for sure - and many disagree with what I say. But having had many a 'dark time' I can also speak of coming to know a 'spark of light' within that helps release the darkness within. How one might come to best know this can be different for each person. But please trust that it is possible, even if it can feel hard at times.
 
Mate as someone who has battled weight, can i just say this one word and it is "walk".

Costs fuck all, no gym membership, no pressure, just you and nature and within no time a 2 hour walk will have you doing serious miles and burning serious calories.

I've done nearly 4 stone the last 12 months and I'm now cycling 40/50 KM in 3 hours no problems whatsoever.

My mental well being as a result of losing the weight and just exercising has improved no end.

It must not feel like a chore and there should be no pressure on you from anyone pal, just give it a go and im certain that within a few weeks it will be the best thing you could ever have done.

All the best to you mate, let us know on here or in PM how you get on.
It's something I really want to get on and do, but as I said, every time I've tried it lately, my plantar fasciitis and/or gout flares up, trust me, it feels like walking on molten metal.
 
I’ve just typed out something about my demons that took me over an hour but I read it back and it was too long and boring. So I deleted it and started again...

What I will say is this: whatever you’ve been through or whatever you’re going through, keep fighting through it because in the end EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT!

I have a tattoo on my back of Korean symbols that means ‘Indomitable Spirit’. Because I’ve battled through some shit but came out of the other side, and nothing will keep me down!

My biggest pieces of advice are...

Firstly; eat well, drink plenty of water and get plenty of sleep. Fueling yourself with goodness and less shit makes your brain function so much better, you think more clearly and make better decisions as well as being physically healthier. Put all the nutrients the human animal should eat into your body!

Secondly, make sure you get out with your mates and have a laugh. Laughter is such a good medicine!

Thirdly, as I said above, never give up, keep on fighting through because there’s so much in life to take joy from, no matter how deep your depression is, no matter how long it takes, you WILL find joy in life again at some point.
Brilliant Post PC. ..Agree with every word of it.
I would just add..that the Colon is the so called 2nd Brain....ie what you eat is such a powerful influence on your mood/sense of we being.
I am firmly a believer that every bodily ailment can be overcome. And....with the right knowledge,study,dedication and posistive mindset.
Never ever ever give up.
 
Ok, thanks Bill, I’ll throw one into the ether!

Has anyone had a stent op who wishes they hadn’t ? I know the arguments for having a stent but would like to hear the real life experiences of anyone who regrets doing so.

Thanks
CTID
I had a stent operation about 4 years ago 2 stents were inserted. I am on tablets for life but other than that I know no different other than I seemed to feel pissed a little bit quicker. The thing that convinced me to have it done is I read if the arteries are blocked then part of the heart muscles die off. So the longer it’s left the worse it will get. It’s a bit rough for the first couple of months but for the last 3 years to be honest I forget I have had them in. So no regrets.
 
I’ve just typed out something about my demons that took me over an hour but I read it back and it was too long and boring. So I deleted it and started again...

What I will say is this: whatever you’ve been through or whatever you’re going through, keep fighting through it because in the end EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT!

I have a tattoo on my back of Korean symbols that means ‘Indomitable Spirit’. Because I’ve battled through some shit but came out of the other side, and nothing will keep me down!

My biggest pieces of advice are...

Firstly; eat well, drink plenty of water and get plenty of sleep. Fueling yourself with goodness and less shit makes your brain function so much better, you think more clearly and make better decisions as well as being physically healthier. Put all the nutrients the human animal should eat into your body!

Secondly, make sure you get out with your mates and have a laugh. Laughter is such a good medicine!

Thirdly, as I said above, never give up, keep on fighting through because there’s so much in life to take joy from, no matter how deep your depression is, no matter how long it takes, you WILL find joy in life again at some point.

Someone once told me that 'trouble' is never the end of the story, it sounds a bit trite but there is always something on the other side and there is a lot we can do to make that a positive thing.
 
Nice post mate, and certainly not inconsequential. Everyone’s battles are different, and no less valid than others.

Your post particularly resonated with me though, as my Dad is in the mid to later stages of Alzheimer’s and seeing the impact it’s had on both parents really takes its toll. Seeing the person you always looked up to deteriorate into a shell of man before your eyes, and knowing that you will never hold any kind of meaningful conversation ever again, is tough. I know I should just be grateful that he’s still around, but as anyone who’s experienced it will vouch, Alzheimer’s is a pretty cruel disease.

In the same time my partner has fairly suddenly, unexpectedly lost both of her parents and been diagnosed with epilepsy which has also been difficult to come to terms with. Her situation is obviously far worse than mine, but has had a big impact on both of us. Having to put on a brave face for her and the kids isn’t always easy. Probably explains to some extent why I’m tetchier than usual on here, so apologies for that. Sometimes the additional stress of running this place gets to me, but that’s no excuse. I need to remind myself that it doesn’t really matter in the scheme of things.

Think I know deep down that I’m perhaps drinking more than I should, and exercising less than I’d like, and that it’s having an impact on my mental wellbeing. The episodes of anxiety and depression are getting more frequent, yet I’m strangely reticent to visit my GP to discuss it. I think I fear being put on anti-depressants, as it feels that they would just mask the underlying issues and, pathetically, it’s a conversation I even feel awkward about having with my doctor. Odd, given that I’ve just opened up more to a bunch of relative strangers on the internet more than I ever have to anyone close to me. Guess that’s the effect of a couple of glasses of Rioja. Oh well. I’ll no doubt wake with a crippling sense of anxiety at about 3am and delete this post anyway.

I lost my dad to Alzheimers about 10 years ago now. It was shit. There is so much I want to talk about with him, to argue about politics and to cheer the City success he just missed. I particularly remember the last game of golf we had. It was an absolute shambles, he never had the right club and he lost his ball after every shot but it is one of the most precious memories I have of him. Jesus, I didn't realise how much I miss him.
 
About three and a half years ago I met a girl online. Three kids with two different dads, and clearly slightly damaged, but alarm bells didn’t start to ring and the relationship developed into something pretty special. She’d had a very different upbringing to me: abusive, Lanarkshire council estate, loveless, but she was a remarkable woman who had overcome all that and become a professional ballerina. She was also very bright, attractive, great in the sack and she absolutely adored me, and I loved her back. My folks loved her too. She was ace.

Saw her for 18 months, got on well with her eldest two (who she had joint custody of) and grew very close to her youngest, a girl (who she had sole custody of).

Early January 2018 went to Malta with her for a few days. Just me and her, which we’d struggled to do as much as we’d liked because her youngest, the one she had sole custody of, was 18 months old when I met her - and the dad was in Scotland. It simply wasn’t straightforward to go for meals out, never mind weekends away, but we dealt with it.

Got back from Malta on the Saturday, stayed at mine that night and dropped her at hers the following morning. Made a loose arrangement to maybe pop round that afternoon with my son who I was taking back to university that day.

Called her in the afternoon, no reply. Didn’t think much of it. Called her after I’d dropped him off - the same. Thought about going round that evening but left it. Called again in the morning, still no reply - started to get a bit concerned and decided to go round to hers as I was off work that day.

Got to the house and her car was in the drive, which was the first time I realised something was most likely wrong, as she was supposed to be at work. Got to the house, opened the door to find utter chaos. Her three year old had been running amok, who upon seeing me told me that mummy was asleep upstairs on the floor.

Went straight upstairs and found her dead, face down on the bedroom carpet, right next to the bed. A moment that will never leave me. Called 999, who told me to try and give her CPR, which I did, but I knew it was utterly hopeless and thankfully the paramedics turned up incredibly quickly and pronounced her dead immediately. Giving CPR to a corpse with her three year old daughter hysterically crying while I did so was pretty brutal. Post-mortem said it was an acute asthma attack, but I don’t accept that. I think she’s had an arrhythmia and dropped dead on the spot; not that it really matter what the cause was. It doesn’t change anything.

In many ways my life has been a positive experience since that dreadful moment and its aftermath; certainly I’m very content and thoroughly enjoy my work and my life It would be wrong to suggest that event and the surrounding circumstances have overwhelmed my life in the last two years, because they haven’t. Finding someone so full of life, looking so lifeless makes one realise the fragility of existence and the need to make the most of every day, which I believe I’ve done. However, I think about finding her like that very often, as I do her. As I’ve said, she was fucking ace and she was right for me. I talk about her every day and miss her very much. We made each other happy and for her, happiness was something that had been missing for most of her life.

Still in touch with the kids and hope to remain so, especially the three year old (who’s now five and the spitting image of her mum). I doubt she’ll now recall that dreadful morning, but equally she probably won’t remember her mum and it’s important that I can answer as many questions she will doubtless have when she’s older. She seems largely unaffected by it now, but that will change as she get older. Hopefully I can ameliorate that a little.

I try and take comfort from the fact that she was happy at the end, and I don’t believe she suffered, but it does little to suppress the feeling that me, her and her kids have been cheated. The reality is, however, the same could happen to any of us, at any time; between heartbeats.

And one piece of advice; make sure you tell someone that you love them as often as you can; you never know if it’s the last time you'll get the chance.
 
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