Joke thread

My wife came home from her doctors appointment.
She said everything was fine.
I asked if the doctor said anything about her big ass.
She said " No. Your name wasn't brought up once"
 
A Year 3 teacher asked the children what they had done over the holidays.
She asked Alice first and Alice said "I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your Grandmother", said the teacher "We don't use baby talk now that you're in junior school"
She then asked Kevin what he had done. "I went to London on a choo-choo," he said.
"No, you went to London on a train " she said.
She then added "The next child who uses baby words will miss their playtime".
"Who wants to go next?", fearing missing their playtime no child wants to go next.
Suddenly Johnny's hand shoots up.
The teacher asks Johnny "What did you do over the holidays?"
Johnny replies "I read lots of books"
"Great", said the teacher, "You see class, Johnny is using adult language, and which was your favourite book Johnny?"
"Winnie The Shit.", replies Johnny
 
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