Dating apps

[I'm With Stupid]

I used to chat for quite a while before trying to ask someone out, but I always found it pretty awkward. More recently, I've had the attitude of asking them out for a drink ASAP. I find that most people say yes and then it's far easier to make a good impression and see if you have anything in common in person.

 

[Deleted member 77198]

Yep its a shame because all I ever wanted was to get married and be happy.
But I have to accept I've failed despite a big effort on my part over the last few years.
I'm too old now so have given up.

You’re never too old.

At 38 I’ve given up actively looking for it but not given up on thinking that something might happen by chance one day.

 

[Millwallawayveteran1988]

As I get older I think social conditioning and biological factors make people crave a relationship. However I think that most men and women have nothing at all in common. We are just conditioned to believe that coupledom is the euphoria.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I love being married but my mate says stay single if you can.

 

[Dr Jacoby]

Autism and persistent mental health issues make it particularly difficult to be in a relationship.

Unfortunately I don’t believe there’s a decent dating app tailored to those with such disorders + difficulties. Hiki is pretty useless unless you are willing to travel 300 miles to meet a total stranger.

 

[Deleted member 77198]

You seem too independent and pretty selfish (not having a pop mate) to need a woman, nothing wrong with that. I get you. Almost 39, you're a relatively young guy with plenty of time to meet the woman of your dreams, and I think you most probably will, but many guys try and force the issue and often meet the woman of their worst nightmare. Too many think with their dicks, and when the novelty wears off end up controlled and being an 8-5 kinda guy bringing home the bacon and accepting mundane routine.

A healthy relationship is a mutual 50/50 decision on things between a couple. If one is a bit reluctant to go with something it's best to slightly concede opinion if it helps harmony.

We live in an ever increasing "fuck you, you're finished with me" society. If your TV goes on the blink, you bin it at the tip. If your camera doesn't blink properly, no problem, lob it in the bin and buy another.

If a relationship goes on the blink, then a couple split up, go on a dating site, and are amongst all the other broken misshaped biscuits on the production line.

I'd rather dunk a broken biscuit in my brew than go on a dating site again.

Yes very independent, and yes also selfish mate haha

And I agree about the novelty of a good shag wearing off, being with someone I don’t really want to be with because we had fun shagging for six months drags you down. That’s happened a few times.

Relationships are disposable these days. People don’t want to work to fix things. That’s no good if for someone who can’t be on their own but I think I’m alright when I’m on my own so don’t feel too lost about it. I actually appreciate the times I’m alone.

 

[Deleted member 77198]

As I get older I think social conditioning and biological factors make people crave a relationship. However I think that most men and women have nothing at all in common. We are just conditioned to believe that coupledom is the euphoria.

I think there are people who are evolutionarily conditioned to have a mate they procreate with and stay together with their offspring for strength in numbers for safety and the progression of the species.

Then there are people who evolutionarily conditioned to be lone wolves, who don’t tie themselves down to one person and/or one place.

These things will be tens of thousands of years old in the evolutionary lineage. However our society puts expectations on people that makes everyone think that they should find a partner and settle down. People who don’t are often asked “why haven’t you settled down yet?” / “have you not found anyone yet?” and then people start to get complexes, succumb to stress and anxiety about it, and even depression. Or they get desperate. Or they just settle and live miserably just to conform to society’s expectations.

Thankfully I don’t put that expectation on myself and I don’t feel the need to actively search for it. As I’ve said, if it happens it happens.

 

[somapop]

I often feel a more confident and happy person when I have periods of time on my own. I was single for six years in one stretch and I got myself fit, did loads of interesting things because I had more cash and time, I had more to talk about, felt more outgoing...

I was in a relationship before that which I didn’t want to be in but didn’t end things because I’d developed depression and wasn’t thinking straight. I put on weight, lost confidence, was less outgoing... I think all down to being depressed because of the situation of the relationship I was in.

So now, I’m only taking the plunge with someone I really know we both want to be with each other. And I’m not actively looking for it.

Exactly like me....these past two years I've got fitter than I've ever been and my confidence higher than ever (though I'm historically coming from a low shy point!).
However, over Christmas it's all hit me again. Despite splitting two years ago we've all lived together co parenting (for a variety of reasons really, one is the fact we have an autistic daughter which takes up a lot of energy!) but I'm probably (finally) going to be moving out of the next couple of weeks and I've gone rock bottom again (not that anyone would guess as I still appear cheery and I'm at the gym with daughter every day). Always thought I'd be far happier on my own...but I think the reality may be different and I'm getting very agitated and melonacholic of the loneliness)...the kids more than anything (though I'll be a five-10 minute walk away hopefully and with access to the family home whenever).
Maybe I just have to hold on tight and get through it. I could obviously never have another relationship whilst living here (though my ex is over 18 months into a new relationship) - that was clear from the tinder dates I had, sadly.

 

[somapop]

I used to chat for quite a while before trying to ask someone out, but I always found it pretty awkward. More recently, I've had the attitude of asking them out for a drink ASAP. I find that most people say yes and then it's far easier to make a good impression and see if you have anything in common in person.

I think that's the way to do it. I remember when I started absolutely falling for them as we chatted into the early hours most night (that was part of the initial charm especially when raw from a recent break up)....but then you'd meet and connection just wasn't there. Alternately I chat and get on very well with people I meet out and about (gym for instance) but circumstances prevent them from going any further.
Some of the conversations were eye openers though!!

 

[Deleted member 77198]

Exactly like me....these past two years I've got fitter than I've ever been and my confidence higher than ever (though I'm historically coming from a low shy point!).
However, over Christmas it's all hit me again. Despite splitting two years ago we've all lived together co parenting (for a variety of reasons really, one is the fact we have an autistic daughter which takes up a lot of energy!) but I'm probably (finally) going to be moving out of the next couple of weeks and I've gone rock bottom again (not that anyone would guess as I still appear cheery and I'm at the gym with daughter every day). Always thought I'd be far happier on my own...but I think the reality may be different and I'm getting very agitated and melonacholic of the loneliness)...the kids more than anything (though I'll be a five-10 minute walk away hopefully and with access to the family home whenever).
Maybe I just have to hold on tight and get through it. I could obviously never have another relationship whilst living here (though my ex is over 18 months into a new relationship) - that was clear from the tinder dates I had, sadly.

Feel for you mate. I don’t have kids but I’ve got mates who’ve split from their missus and they have kids together, and I saw it a lot with my mates when I was a kid.

Once you get used to the new situation I’m sure you’ll be alright and you’ll really appreciate the time you spend with your daughter. It’s something to look forward to in the in between times. Plus once you get into a routine in your own place you’ll really start to like it, trust me. The independence is refreshing!

Plus it will be easier to date when you have your own place.