Bigga
Well-Known Member
I am 60 this year how the hell did that happen !! like many on here I have always done a manual job , my mind most of the time is young but my body has had enough but I cant really change jobs at my age as I need to earn a certain amount to live. Life was great for me until I turned 50 and from on its been mostly shit. In 2010 I had a really bad 6 weeks I still don't think I have come to terms with what happen. I was at work when my dad phoned and told me to come to the hospital asap mum wasn't well, by the evening she had gone. On the day of the funeral my dad was diagnosed with cancer, than a week later I was made redundant after 22yrs at the same company. None of this I saw coming. My dad (married 52yrs) went into a very dark place which was hard to deal with plus me trying to find work, it was hard. We sort of got through that than my marriage fell part, and to coin a phrase I lost the lot, ex got the house I got my pension. I have been changing jobs about every two years now which I don't like , just want to find a job that's suits till I pack up before my body does. Than dad passed away suddenly in 2017 didn't get to see our 100 points season out. I still use to text him after every game until is number went dead.
Last year I married a truly wonderful lady who is so kind and loving (something I am not use to) and lets me be me.
Thing is since I have met and married this wonderful lady my brain seems to have gone into depression I am of work for the next 5 weeks with depression, people say its probably coming out now because I am in a strong loving relationship and I can 'relax' so every thing that I have put at the back of my mind is coming out now. I still miss my mum and dad like crazy, still cry a lot when thinking about them. Perhaps I am now grieving as I haven't had time before , but I don't feel as happy with life as I use to , but I am sure I will given time. I don't like the idea of paying over £800 plus rent for the rest of my life , I worry where we will live when I have to pack up work. Will my kids every afford a home ?.
Life is great and I feel better for writing this, once I have this out of my system , I will start pushing on and enjoying each day. The people where I work have been great and have said I will be supported for as long as I need it and will pay for my counselling, I just need to start seeing the good in life and not the fact that 'everyone' else seems to have a 50 grand plus car with pvt plates and a posh house, with lots of posh holidays , like my missus keeps saying 'Gordan its probably all on credit cards, and we don't owe anyone anything.
Life is wonderful but sometimes we just need to take a step back as it can be bloody hard at times as well. If it hadn't been for my dad when I go divorced I could have ended up on the streets as I have no friends, he put me up and bought me a static caravan to live in without dad where would I have ended up ?
Thankfully I am now happily married and she encourages me to spend lots of father and sons time with my lads by coming up to City, she is fantastic. I just text her and say my son has got tickets for Saturday is that ok?...yea its fine …..how lucky am I ? Very..
I sympathise with your position, Gordon, and no offence, but I have to wonder as throughout reading your whole story, I don't get the sense you know yourself very well.
I'm probably way wrong, but happiness seems to come through others. There are times where I don't like myself, but I understand who I am and I how I work and that dislike gets re-absorbed back into me.
Quite honestly for me, "know thyself" is one of the most underrated statements on mental strength.