crazyg
Well-Known Member
On the same (ahem) vein:
Doctor tells Paddy that he's got HIV.
Does that mean I get drive a lorry now?", says Paddy.
Taken from later edition of Rag Magazine.
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Doctor tells Paddy that he's got HIV.
Does that mean I get drive a lorry now?", says Paddy.
Taken from later edition of Rag Magazine.
Fiftyyearsandcounting
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 25 Oct 2009
- Messages
- 1,916
Business man returns from a trip to the far east where he spent some time visiting a brothel. He gets worried when his dick turns green and starts to ache.
He visits a Harley Street surgeon who sadly announces that the dick needs to be removed and the operation will cost £20,000.
Seeking a second opinion, he consults a Asian doctor, specialising in dick problems. He examines the man then gives his opinion.
"Good news, no need to pay the Harley Street surgeon £20,000 for operation. Two weeks and the dick will drop off by itself".
He visits a Harley Street surgeon who sadly announces that the dick needs to be removed and the operation will cost £20,000.
Seeking a second opinion, he consults a Asian doctor, specialising in dick problems. He examines the man then gives his opinion.
"Good news, no need to pay the Harley Street surgeon £20,000 for operation. Two weeks and the dick will drop off by itself".
A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with the Highways people. She was to paint lines down the centre of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed.
The blonde agreed to the conditions and started right away.
The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average! “Great,” he told her, “I think you’re really going to work out.”
The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, “Well she’s still at the average and I don’t want to discourage her, so I’ll just keep quiet.”
The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought, “I need to talk to her before this gets any worse.”
The boss pulled the new employee in and says, “You were doing so great. The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What’s keeping you from meeting the 2 mile minimum?”
The blonde replied, “Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away from the paint tin.”
The blonde agreed to the conditions and started right away.
The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average! “Great,” he told her, “I think you’re really going to work out.”
The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, “Well she’s still at the average and I don’t want to discourage her, so I’ll just keep quiet.”
The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought, “I need to talk to her before this gets any worse.”
The boss pulled the new employee in and says, “You were doing so great. The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What’s keeping you from meeting the 2 mile minimum?”
The blonde replied, “Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away from the paint tin.”
Starr Gate Blue
Well-Known Member
(a) Why shouldn't you buy Ukrainian underpants ?
(b) What do you call a cannibal who eats his mother's sister ?
(c) What do you call a cannibal who eats his mother in law ?
(a) Chernobyl fallout
(b) An anteater
(c ) Gladiator
(b) What do you call a cannibal who eats his mother's sister ?
(c) What do you call a cannibal who eats his mother in law ?
(a) Chernobyl fallout
(b) An anteater
(c ) Gladiator
EastStandLower
Well-Known Member
Getting a kite stuck in a tree is not one of my best moments, but it's up there...
My mum and dad were dwarves....All their lives they struggled to put food on the table.
Did they work on the Titanic ?
Fiftyyearsandcounting
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- Joined
- 25 Oct 2009
- Messages
- 1,916
Two blondes on opposite sides of a river bank.
First blonde shouts out "How do I get to the other side?"
Second blonde shouts back "Silly woman, you're already there!"
First blonde shouts out "How do I get to the other side?"
Second blonde shouts back "Silly woman, you're already there!"
Last edited:
Big Swifty
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 8 Nov 2011
- Messages
- 4,249
???Did they work on the Titanic ?