Step daughters

Teenagers are awful. I found it really hard when I was knocking about with a lady with an imsufferably lazy and spoilt 17yr old. Everyone tells me they are all the same. Best advice I had was to just ignore, cut them out, and play the silent game. Eventually they will ask what is up, because they wont be used to it and will give in when they see life goes on despite their best efforts at making out that they know everything and the world is about them. She will eventually ask what is up and why you have both been ignoring her, then you have a free hit at explaining how their behaviour is not compatible with a normal happy life and they are affecting everything else so that cant go on. They dont like it initially but it will sink in a bit.
 
A step family is almost always rife with particular issues, I'm not sure you can fully appreciate any of it unless you have lived in one. I have and no question there are a lot of challenges.

Trust with a non-biological member of the family is hard work and absolutely takes two to tango effectively. Without knowing particulars, fundamentally have to be consistent, honest, open and have tremendous patience & empathy. Plus, a 15 year old is already going through the standard issues all do irrespective of family situation.

The short answer/advice would be to have clear boundaries but exercise everything with patience, calm, care & consistency. FWIW, these feelings/issues are likely to go on a lifetime for all involved so there is no magic solution
 
Ant said:
Got 2 .. 1 is working away from home we went thru our issues but it's ok now ish... .. the other 15 yo .. OMG dont know how to deal with it.... she is threatening to tape everything we fall out about. Call the police if I try to get the phone I pay for from her . Demanding .. doesnt go to school demands stuff... she has 3 horses... I think she is s spoilt bugger .. but keen to hear comments .. amd ... NO PICS...
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does she have any other siblings you can play her off against ?

failing that I would act all disinterested. Reverse psychology works well at those age groups...proper messes with their heads ;)
 
Ant said:
Yip 3 .. go figure my shit head
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You know what, mate, if it came across that I was having a pop then I apologise.

Love is a REALLY difficult thing, especially when it comes to your kids. It can be like a knife slicing through you when your biological kids reject or take advantage of you, so when you extend love to step-children and they take the mick (especially with what you've paid out) then it can be just as cutting; maybe more so.

You've put yourself out there and now you're vulnerable and your step-daughter sees it.

You should be done reasoning with her. You don't have to argue, just start to cut things off.

It's the only way she'll see what she has, materially.

Don't buy her affections, make her respect you.
 
FCBarca said:
A step family is almost always rife with particular issues, I'm not sure you can fully appreciate any of it unless you have lived in one. I have and no question there are a lot of challenges.

Trust with a non-biological member of the family is hard work and absolutely takes two to tango effectively. Without knowing particulars, fundamentally have to be consistent, honest, open and have tremendous patience & empathy. Plus, a 15 year old is already going through the standard issues all do irrespective of family situation.

The short answer/advice would be to have clear boundaries but exercise everything with patience, calm, care & consistency. FWIW, these feelings/issues are likely to go on a lifetime for all involved so there is no magic solution
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My own experience of step daughters is largely based on porn hub. It seems you were just unlucky?
 
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