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The leader of a gang of Hells Angels was chilling at home watching a porn video with beer in hand, Suddenly there's a knock at the door. Grumbling he gets up to answer. A wrinkled ninety year old woman stands outside, dressed in a leather biker's jacket. She says "Good evening young man - I'd...

The Duelist wasn't bad but the basic premise was odd. Two French cavalry officers (Harvey Keitel and Keith Carradine) fighting a succession of duels over the years over some perceived slight. You half expected them at the end to fight in wheelchairs with zimmer frames as weapons . The Last Duel...

He didn't have that many full international caps though for a player of great skill (like Stan Bowles, Alan Hudson etc). In his last appearance for England manager Alf Ramsey cornered him in the dressing room before the game saying that if he didn't work harder on the pitch he would pull him...

Years ago Honest John, a motoring journalist, wrote that if you wanted a reliable vehicle ( less time in shop fewer breakdowns etc), you had 4 choices: BMW, Mercedes, any Jap, any British Jap. Still a lot of truth today.

Old Hamish McTavish died and his family were summoned to hear the reading of his last will and testament. The solicitor intoned "I hereby bequeath all my Knutsford properties to my dear wife, my Wilmslow properties to my only son and my Alderley Edge properties to my daughter." The solicitor...

Interestingly I did think the Last Duel was a very good film, based on a real life incident. The battle scenes and the final duel were very impressive. I also felt that Damon, an underrated actor, gave a decent performance.

Chicago is great - 7 miles of beach front on Lake Michigan. Amazing artworks sunk in public squares.Science museum tops (working coal mine, U - boat etc). Excellent transport system (the El). Many decent bars, restaurants, parks too.

A drunken Irishman was walking home late at night from the pub and thought he'd take a short cut across the graveyard. He'd always found the place a bit scary by day but in the full moonlight casting long shadows and the hooting owls and bats it was even worse. Suddenly he heard a harsh scraping...

Surely during the case we can make some capital that a sizeable proportion of the Abu Dhabi cash has been utilised to regenerate the local area round the ground from a very depressed, failing industrial part of Manchester to massively improve local amenities and provide thousands of jobs. I...

Two old guys were having a few jars in their local boozer. The first one said "I feel very sad that my two marriages didn't work out - Both wives died" The other said "What happened to the first?" He replied "Poisoned mushrooms." "Oh dear", said his friend "How did the second die" The first...

The French Connection (1971). Still holds up well today featuring the best movie car chase of all time as Popeye Doyle (Gene Hackman) races an overhead subway train through New York's crowded streets. Beats chases in Bullitt and Ronin. The sequel French Connection 2 is pretty good too as...

The lions were playing football against the ants in the jungle and the ants were really up against it losing 4-0 at half time. Then the ants' captain had a brainwave and brought on a giant centipede at the interval. Well the lions didn't stand a chance as the centipede controlled the play with...

A skinny top banking executive convicted of fraud was locked up and met his cell mate for the first time. The guy was an easy 250 pounds, covered in tattoos and looked like he shaved with a blow torch. The guy said " Relax - I'm a white collar criminal too." The banker squeaked "Oh really?" The...

A group of friends, an Israeli, an Iraqi, a Turkmenistani, a Pakistani, an Omani, and a Yemeni tried to enter a nightclub. The doorman refused them entry saying "Sorry guys you can't come in without a Thai."

An old simple French village priest whose only hobby was raising his chickens woke up one morning to find his prize cockerel was missing. He was very upset and suspected it had been stolen by some dodgy villagers for their illegal cockfighting games. He resolved to raise the matter at next...

An elderly Scotsman was wheezing his last breaths and he gathered his three sons together and by tradition they could ask for a parting gift in remembrance. The eldest son came out and said "I've got a tartan kilt." The second son came out and said "I've got two tartan ties." The youngest son, a...

Sutcliffe definitely made deliveries to France and Germany. Admittedly not very many as the vast bulk were local. He would not have turned down a lucrative job. The continental police in both countries reported very similar slayings of prostitutes to Sutcliffe's MO but in view of the time...

The Yorkshire ripper Peter Sutcliffe. His final victims were way more than he was credited with. There were several bodies found along the route he had taken to visit his girl friend in London when she was recuperating after a nervous breakdown. They did have the stamp of the ripper. Also there...

The original was the better featuring an amazing performance from Robert Mitchum (a very underrated actor). The remake was basically a slasher film.

Limericks eh? A very butch lady named Georgy Once went to a lesbo sex orgy She said to her chum A bit less of your bum And a bit more of your old Cheddar Georgy A certain young lady from Hants Stepped onto the bus in a trance Besides the conductor 12 Passengers fucked her And the driver came...