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Absolutely. The celebrity-obsessed media in this country are a total disgrace to their profession. You go online to the Sun or the Mirror and you will perhaps get a nod towards important news items, like the discovery of the dismembered corpses near the Clifton bridge, or the ongoing public...

Preferably the verminous rags, but we're open for getting rid of the dippers too. And if you can get rid of Arteta's mob as well we might invite you in for a cuppa and a chocolate hob-knob.

Like many of us I took so much stick from the local plastics, and even though I was absolutely devastated by the turn of events not once did I let those çunts know the hurt I was feeling. In a sense it was amplified for me because I was constantly gigging back then, and I always had some kind...

'Razor' Ruddock would fit nicely at the rags. Go on, Jim 25%, make it happen. I know he's not Dutch but just for once can you look further afield? Actually, they'd probably sign Vain Dick from the Dippers for £65 million.

But that has been the philosophy of the club since Satan formed them: lavish spending on Hollywood-type superstar players (no matter about the style of play or the tactics, as long as he's a famous name we'll get the money back from the sale of replica shirts, gullible plastic supporters from...

My feelings too. And why shouldn't he? The rags treated him with the utmost disrespect with their thinly-veiled threats to sack him after the cup final. In his shoes I'd do the exact same thing and screw them over for millions and millions.

What next? Make that repulsive tyrant from Govan wear orange and change his name to Johann van-Pisscan?

I agree with you, but if he is as bad as we think, surely there would be some kind of sign that all is not well within the England camp? Some of the other players would have had a word with either him or Southgate.

I thought the whole team played well. If we come up against them Waistcoat will have a lot to think about.

Are you Diane Abbot?

The rags can 'bid' (or make it seem like they are bidding) for anyone, but until I see the starting line-up one the first day of the season I'll take it all with about 50,000 tonne of salt - stolen from the Beast's dining table.

Whoah! A name I had long since consigned to my memory bank. Fell out with Big Mal, didn't he? Or so I heard.

Agreed. The man was my hero when I was growing up. Except for the time someone threw a tennis ball at him at Highbury's clock end, he threw it back and it hit me. I forgive him though.

The most important thing is that he doesn't create a rift within the group of players around him. If he is as egotistical and conceited as he is made out to be, then tensions within the squad will escalate. He wouldn't be the first player to cause unrest within the dressing room, as anyone will...

For me, football as a sport is as far removed from the game that I knew and played in my youth as is possible. It's like a different sport. Watching my beloved City is always -and always will be- something I treasure. My memories of the club, the players, the various managers, the games etc...

Ha! Imagine that happening now, players having a break for a smoke. I'm surprised if I see someone in the street lighting up a cigarette nowadays - it's a habit that is pretty much extinct. Suits me, I'm a non-smoker, but it feels like society is alienating those that do, driving them underground.

I never rated vain dick. Always thought he was a solid enough defender but that's all he ever was. I certainly would not place him above any other defender playing in the Premier league. But this is dipper mythology we are talking about: like the rags, any player who signs for them suddenly...

I don't know, I think the Swiss blow hot and cold like most of them (not us, we are always bloody awful). But this could be one of those games where suddenly it all clicks and we hammer them. Unlikely, yes. But not impossible.

This is the crux of the matter: the laws of the game are there in black and white, but individual referees interpret them as they choose - in particular the English ones. Another ref might have given the penalty to the Germans last night, in fact I'd say most would. But there were also a lot of...

Taylor craves the attention he knows his questionable decisions make. His handling of last nights Germany/Spain match proved to all neutral observers that he is both incompetent and thoroughly dishonest too. The first incident with Kroos paved the way the rest of his handling of the game was...