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King Charles arrives home following short visit to Turkey...

A young woman was telling her friend that he had a developed a strange condition where she was having an orgasm whenever she sneezed. "What are you taking for it," her friend asked. "Black pepper."

My mate met this new bird in the pub and they really hit it off. He took her out clubbing the next day but he said she left immediately and he's not heard from her since. She's ignoring all his texts and phone calls Bit harsh. He even said she could keep a few of the seals

I've just read about a couple who advertised a laptop on Facebook Marketplace and a bloke turned up and conned them out of it with a fake banking app on his phone. They said that not only had they lost £700, they also felt violated by him being in their home... Anyway, does anyone want to...

Drivers have been advised to avoid Liverpool city centre after a lorry carrying a large delivery of electrical goods shed its load. Police expect the road to be closed for at least 3 minutes.

I saw a poor old lady fall down some stairs today. I know she was poor because I only found a couple of quid when I nicked her purse.

The police are looking for witnesses to a hit and run round our way last Friday night. I didn't see anything when I was out on Friday but it wouldn't surprise me if it was the same **** who threw his bike under my car.

A driver found guilty of leading police on a high-speed chase admitted it was “fifteen minutes of madness” that caused him to do it. The judge said that he did not apply the maximum sentence as the Police confirmed that they found 'Driving in my car' stuck on a loop on his CD player

I was in a restaurant the other day with my missus and the waitress came to our table and started singing... 'You've done too much, much too young, now you're married with a son when you should be having fun with me' Then she asked iwe were ready to order.... I said not yet... can i hear the...

A bloke is walking down the street aa a funeral courtage goes past. He notices that it’s rather different from the usual procession. There’s a horse-drawn hearse, followed by a second hearse, followed by a man with a dog on a lead, and behind them several dozen men, alll in single file. He...

I read that drinking two glasses of whiskey increases your chance of having a stroke. I'm going to drink four or five glasses tonight... It might increase my chance of getting a blow job.

I woke up this morning with a one pound coin stuck up my arse. I must have been completely trollied last night.

I was so drunk last night. I got to the bottom of the stairs. I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers, and underwear and left them on the floor I crept up the stairs very quietly.... It was only when I got to the top of the stairs, I realised I was on the bus.

News just in... The Argentinan government has ordered all hotels in Buenos Aires review their new "express checkout" processes

My mate's grandad passed away yesterday. He used to be a mime artist. There are no words....

I'm talking about grassroots, not sewage level... :-)

My mate's girlfriend refused to see the latest Batman movie with him until after their eighth meal together. Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Batman