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No Silva. No Aguero. The squad is in a worse position than it was last season. I love Serge but we need another striker. Just Jesus isn’t enough.

Bernard Manning was a gifted comedian. His ability to tell a joke was second to none.

Pulis more diverse because he’s Welsh. Sherwood isn’t human.

You’re shitting me? Must be Mario Balotelli in disguise.

It’s not that corrupt. They just found a way to win ugly and lost it when Kante left.

I’m only watching this Lectures show on Dave because Sara Pascoe is presenting. Someone like me with a vegan feminist... I’d offend her 24/7.

That’s it. I got transferred here in 2005 with HSBC. I didn’t settle and was ready to go before meeting a girl I believed was my future wife! I wish I hadn’t now.

Ian Cheeseman has described an under 21 City keeper as saving shots like a prime Joe Hart and distributing as well as Ederson. Sounds promising, doesn’t it? Will he adopt his mother’s maiden name? It was bad enough when we signed a player called Berti.

I went to bed after the Chelsea Home match. I know someone who left at half time! Liverpool Away sounds just as bad or, if not, worse. I’ve never been comfortable with Leicester winning the Premier League. I doubt it will but I often suspect something will come out one day.

I saw Sean Lock in Westfields shopping centre in Stratford once. I assume he was buying things he wanted.

I’ll boycott this place for twelve hours if we lose to Wolves.

I saw him at Piccadilly Station one morning. Assume he’d been filming something at Salford.