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Hey, at least we dared to dream. Remember 2014 and how it was their destiny to win it on the 25th anniversary of Hillsborough? How all of the media were bigging them up? Telling anyone who couldn't think for themselves that they were the bestest team ever? That this was truly a football fairy...

Yes, squirm. Yes, semantics. You're just too stupid to know that you are embarrassing yourself. The thing about comedy - and I've been commissioned to write it for actual money, sunshine (Readers Digest, Irish Examiner, Weekend Magazine... amongst other outlets) - is that timing is everything...

And people have the right to identify those who squirm behind such semantics as you have displayed as being juvenile and unhelpful.

I remember when Ferdinand made that sour-pussed remark that I wondered was he following some weird, in-house protocol of not being allowed to mention Manchester City in a complimentary way. I dismissed as just me being over-sensitive or trying on a tin foil hat for size or something. Then...

There's the thing. To a lot (by no means all but an awful lot) of the glory-by-association, Freudian field cases that delight in banging on and on about their undying love for that club, Liverpool were (and possibly remain) their true rivals. We were only an afterthought. A slight bemusement to...

It's not behaving like a rag. It's behaving like a fan. It's behaving like a friendly person having a bit of a giggle with a person during the course of the day. In short, it's perfectly acceptable behaviour. It really, really is. And it's certainly not arrogance or gloating. I'm far from the...

Not only an succinct critique of their performance but also sound advice to their lurking support: Yes indeed, wank more often, you giddy twats. It's the United way, after all.

City fans are desperate to start a rivalry with Liverpool. (Preaching to the conversation, I know but... it was match-going Scousers who celebrated as both Yaya and Ederson were stretchered off and Liverpool fans who wrecked two City buses but mentioning this constitutes being desperate to start...

Maybe I'm being over-sensitive but it doesn't seem right that only the two Irish players involved in this gang are named.

There's no need for that sort of talk.

Really? So if you're a woman and the game coincides with a heavy day of your period, you must either carry a handful of tampons around like an advert or pay a premium for vauing your own privacy? Tell me it ain't so, ffs.

Back in the day, when we were shite and I was trying to persuade my eldest son away from the dark side (no easy task here in Ireland), I brought that kit home to him. The gold eagle swung the deal! The gold fucking eagle! He got married the other week. His wife's a blue. He wore City cuff...

I think you are greatly underestimating the referee's performance that day. Greece were treated to the sort of officiating that's usually only reserved for our visits to Anfield.

I was a salesman at the time. Pulled out of a customer and phoned in his order. It was exceptionally big. He'd been piecing together a couple of jobs together for a few weeks and, as luck would have it, today was the day. Anything else I sold that day wasn't going through the books until...

Sure, you were. Like anybody who listens to the Smith's has an actual, real-life mate. :-)

My recollection was that it was Blackburn rather than Newcastle who won Shearer's signature ahead of the rags - and for nothing like £15m? Were they ever even in the running when he left Ewood Park? Again, totally as I recall it but I think most fans didn't take any of the reports of their...

It's not that simple though, is it? I mean probably it should be but it's not. Wellington was born in Ireland - to Irish born parents, if I'm not mistaken - did that make him - or, hypothetically, his grandchildren had they too been born in Ireland - solely Irish? Of course not. That's why...

I'm really sorry to be the one to wreck everybody's buzz about this but... Well, it turns out Redforever from Kuala Lumpar, has just posted in the Daily Mail comments section that he doesn't recognise this or any of City's other recent achievements on account of our lack of class and history...

An old man retires to a coastal village in the west of Ireland and soon becomes something of a curiosity in the local pub. Every evening, he'd come in, order three pints of Guinness at the same time and proceeds to drink from each of them until they are all empty. Some nights, he even repeats...

It's a little known fact but 'I Knew You Were Waiting' is dedicated to Liverpool's long, long, oh-so-brave years spent hanging on for a Premier League title. PS Obviously, Elvis recorded Blue Moon because he was a City fan, too. :-)