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Barrow would be great, my dad’s team.

Just a back-up striker I reckon. Midfield is sorted now with Gundo back. Defence is sound too. Haaland can’t play 70 games though, and apart from Phil last season we have no-one else prolific, they’re all creators not finishers.

How did these wankers get an Italy international from a team like Juve for just £10m?

Kill Putin and instal pro-Western governments in Russia and China. Have every nuclear weapon in the world destroyed, with operating manuals burnt and those who know how to make more locked up for life. Give billions of pounds to wildlife charities and cat sanctuaries. Destroy every XL bully...

Creepy Crawley.

I hope Rodri is fit for this game. We need to go as strong as possible here, pick up as many points in the bag early on as possible. Ederson Lewis Stones Akanji Gvardiol Rodri Foden Grealish Savinho De Bruyne Haaland

I’m pissed off anytime a good player goes to that shower of stinking shit.

Hopefully he’s fucking shit and sold for a huge loss to a mediocre Italian side this time next year.

Sounds like my ex wife.

I genuinely don’t understand why any player wouldn’t be desperate to join us. Apart from Pep’s genius, the chance to play alongside Haaland, KDB and Foden, where else apart from Real Madrid is any player almost guaranteed a trophy? How could any player who didn’t have the chance to sign for...

If the club feels he’s surplus, or if the player himself wants leave I understand we sell. But I strongly disagree with selling to a rival, as we’re seeing now with Palmer. By all means sell, but either to a club like Newcastle or Everton, or ideally abroad. Absolutely not Liverpool (or...

Loan out McAtee and keep Nunes.

All shit results today. Yesterday was much better.

BT/TNT chose the wrong game.

I hope Chelsea get top 4 (or 5), if that stops the scum getting a CL place.

Not underachieved at all. Trophies are won by teams, you can’t judge an individual on that - nobody can say Phil Jones was better than Shearer, for example. In terms of personal achievement, being the PL’s all time top scorer (until Erling overtakes him!) is an amazing achievement. Shearer was...

He’s looking a fantastic attacking addition to the team, and in my opinion just the kind of direct, pacy threat we needed.

They always get away with it don’t they, purely because three newly promoted sides are even shitter. I guess that shows the gap between PL and Championship is getting bigger.

A Nespresso coffee with Bailey’s and a bit of cream.

I guess Arsenal are going to be our closest challengers this season again.