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Or “at least I’m not upside down”

My old friend Chris Peacock?

I do wish that when people use the wrong word, they at least have the humidity to admit it!

Not quite a war film (unless you count Baron Bomburst vs the children), but Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was on tv a while back, so we forced the kids to watch it and the picture quality on a uhd tv was stunning, like I’d never seen it before - I suppose these films were originally made for huge...

Weirdly, I was wondering why I hadn’t noticed the T before he signed for the scum…

Was always well oiled when approaching the crease

I took over from a bloke who was found dead, covered in chocolate sauce and hundreds & thousands - he topped himself...

I wanted a career that combined my love of music and travel - so I've just started a job as an ice cream man!

I confused this with weekend worlds use of Nantucket sleigh ride but an unusual proggy departure for the Eagles was the theme for hitch hiker’s guide to the galaxy (give it till at least 1 minute)

My wife and I had a massive argument, she claimed that I was “too careful with money” - she got so angry that she went into the kitchen and ripped up all our dinner plates!

Oi, I’m outside - can somebody let me in? (Note the time, passes for humour round here)

Weirdly you can get the yellow stripe away kit for £18.40 on kitbag - a bit better than £80 Away top

My granddad had his tongue shot clean off during the war, he never spoke about it…

Haha yeah better, I likely was told a mildly cleaner version when I was younger, aiming for the vintage joke ;)

Walking along a cliff path the other day, I saw a young woman approaching in the opposite direction wearing a very skimpy bikini. It was too narrow to pass, I didn't know whether to turn back or toss myself off...

From your lips to gods ears…

Whilst the scum are safe from relegation, there is only 2 points between them and 17th - thought it worth mentioning…

Bought a pink hoody for my daughter from kitbag, reduced from £50 to £19 and found the authentic home shirts are currently £36 so got a fat bloke one of them as well - more expensive pyjamas :D