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The money is not free. It cost you 14 minutes of your life here on Earth.

People who pick on nits. They are only tiny and harmless, relatively. Pick on someone your own size.

And organically.

And the numbers 2, 4, 7 and 8 would invariably be right footed players and the 3, 6, 10 and 11 would be left footed. This was in the 60's and early 70''s.

I know. We were determined to lead by example.

When I was at college a long time ago me and my mate were getting pissed off by the poor turnout of fellow students at various social events. We decided to try to set up an Apathy Society. We put up a few posters advertising our initial meeting and we booked a room and set a time and date for...

Drip dry only. Do not iron.

And this head analyst at Spurs helped them to win how many trophies?

To measure possession just check all of the time that your team had the ball compared to all the time that your opponents had the ball, and then change the numbers to a percentage. Primary school level arithmetic. To measure expected goals you have to take the same shot from the same place 1,000...

So your expected car was a Mondeo but you never had one. I rest my case.

Distance run, percentage possession and shots on target can all be measured with a high degree of accuracy. Expected goals predictions are nonsense. It's just one statistic too many.

No it's not quantum physics. It's bollocks. This is football, not science. We love the game because it's random and unpredictable. Who could forsee the rags beating the dippers last weekend? I would bet that 90% of neutral fans would have backed Liverpool to win. And the score wasn't 4.26 - 3.98.

Absolute utter bollocks. How can you have 0.78 of a fucking goal?

Why don't we all walk out of the ground in the 80th minute? Oh no, we do that already don't we?

So you were 53 when you got home?

Absolutely brilliant cyclist and great personality. Very humble and down to earth.

When I was at school we were shown a film about what to do in the event of a nuclear strike. You were advised to get under the dining table and not to look directly at the explosion. It's a shame the residents of Hiroshima weren't shown that film.

Flying. Used to get really excited before and during a flight. Now the way we are treated by the airlines and at the airport it's a bit of a nightmare Also dropping off friends and relatives at Manchester Airport has become a fucking sick joke.

Bollocks. Everything that was privatised has since turned into a bag of shite. She gave everything away to her Tory mates and they asset stripped it for their own personal gain. Greedy, selfish fat cat bastards.