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Got mugged at Candlefield around 73 as a 14 year old, stole my money then wanted my Doc Marten boots, coppers saw it and initially did nothing. Scouse twat was about 20, hard as nails with his group of mates, his words were “I’m fucking bevied, give me your money or I’ll fucking kill you” I...

Went there many years ago but a jumps meeting, one of the lads with us, Pete and a horse called Peter won the feature race, we were all on it so happy days, enjoy. I’ll be watching so I’ll look out for you!! (For clarification in case others are wondering we’ve met so I know what you look like!).

Doing FA is good for the soul but this week I’ll be watching Royal Ascot, playing golf, taking my mate who’s recovering from a stroke for lunch and having a beer or two with Mrs Ho after an Aldi shop, this retirement lark ain’t easy, these things get in the way of doing fuck all.

A new Dad walked into his local with his wife and baby, one of the customers said: “Congratulations George on the birth of your son” His wife said: “Where’s my congratulations?” Local replied: “When we get a nice pint of beer in here we congratulate the brewer, not the barrel”.

Aye, that’s the definition but as the saying goes “a secret is something you only tell one person at a time”. The fact you know a secret is because someone told you, you can have your own secrets but what the point?

Some women can remember what was said 18 years ago, you know the score.

He’s been known as Sir Kevin for a while now, he’s a top bloke, one of the best, a leader of men, someone you’d go the extra distance for, I can’t think of anyone i respect more, just inspirational. Hopefully Rob Burrow is looking down and his wife and kids get to attend the Palace to...

Especially if you introduce a Duky lass into the breeding line.

I beat Parking Eye with a huge slice of bravado, they chucked in the towel quicker than Frank Bruno’s corner man.

A “secret” is something you only tell one person, six degrees of separation can have an exponentially dangerous effect, so no, I very much doubt the three person panel will divulge information. However we know some members involved in the legal profession have the odd kink, perhaps...

Possibly but it’s a close call, can look very good or average in equal measures, just doesn’t have the presence but deserves another season.

60p, £60, £600, you get the drift, I’d take the £60m in a heartbeat.

You may be right but historically football is littered with generational players who fail to kick on. KDB and Salah both weren’t considered good enough for the Chav’s but came back as different players after maturing with other clubs, it’s not an automatic process.

Yep, Shearer says Guimaras is “very good at that” when he went down easily for a foul, do mean “cheating” you thick twat?

Clowns pocket, Welly top, sausages up a ginnel?

You’re a posh fecker drinking in there, price of drinks through the roof.

That one is about as old as this: “What do your parents do for a living?” “They’re in the Iron and Steel industry” “Impressive” “Yep, my mum irons and my dad steals”.

Is he still the Stadium Announcer at Fulham?

Completely agree, it’s definitely not the fault of front line workers, pressure from all sides and my Dad wouldn’t have survived his illness with the best doctors in the world but the pressure to send him home and not give him a bed for the night would possibly be down to maxed out resources.

I’m not tarring them all with the same brush but I was disgusted by the way they treated my elderly Dad.I took him to A&E at around 10am one day when he was in a lot of pain. After having him wait to see a Doctor they discharged him around 9 hours later. In the early hours of the following...