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There was general relief all round earlier today when a black hole developing on the internet that threatened to devour huge chunks of the universe was safely plugged. Ed Moderatus, a NASA spokesman said: "We've been monitoring a situation around Manchester City Soccer Club. An intense news...

This is not meant to be Yet Another Anti Cook post (henceforce known as a YAAC). I just don't think he actually understands football one bit. Global brands in football are quasi religious. Constantly winning, or being the best, is not enough. It isn't even strictly necessary (see Real Madrid)...

After the last couple of days it occured to me that we need to switch targets to players who are universally regarded as absolute tw*ts. Then we can just send a note round saying "£Xm a year - take it or leave it, tw*t". The tw*t in question will say "yes please", and we can move on. The press...