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All clear in 106 today. Not so much as a tossed sandal.

Just why have the reserve Oxford boat crew gone overboard (haha!) like this? Media have kept very quiet about it - worse than the Bullingdon Club in my opinion. Alright you got some smashed crockery and overturned tables with them, but no wholesale occupation of parts of Iraq or beheadings - if...

Loads of Blues in pubs in Tod town centre - apparently a good atmosphere, one pub even rustled up some free sandwiches for them. But then when picking my mates up from Tod bus station to go to the game, they said trouble had erupted, there was a West Yorkshire Metro bus with a smashed window...

..... there are rail works and a bus running to Wembley Central instead of a train. Don't fancy that - can anyone suggest another mainline station or underground station that connects to Wembley Central and has good parking? Thanks.

Does anyone else agree that they should be towed further away from the coast of France to prevent a future Falklands scenario? Admittedly the French may only covet the annual crop of Jersey Royals rather than oil but I believe in preventing problems before they occur.

If so please can you put me in touch - I would like to see if they could bring a kitten to the UK from Bucharest. I would pay a fee for this service. Yes this is a serious request.

Can it even be done? If so could some kind soul, in the simplest, easiest most untechy language possible, tell me how to do this? I have a Sony Experia phone - the Sony media manager thingy makes it a doddle to transfer photos from my mobile to my laptop and vice versa - but from WhatsApp?

How pleasant to make the reacquaintance of such legendary perverts and alcoholic dregs of society that I fondly recall from this venerable centre of discourse. No doubt these days boosted by newcomers who I have not had the pleasure of advising about the correct forms of etiquette for hosting...

Well .... have we? Sorry, but my job as Comptroller of the Royal Embroidery has been keeping me over busy recently. I'm in block 544 and on the back of the ticket it looks like we have got it but I am looking for comforting reassurance. Please no pictures of Gail Platt deshabille.

I am going to Blackburn on Saturday but have heard chatter that these churlish serfs no longer offer facilities for storage of ones shooting gear and man servants during the game. Please can someone dispel what one can only hope is a distressing attempt to spread gloom in our quarters?

Having spent eight hours in hospital yesterday for examinations, blood tests, x-rays and scans I have been diagnosed with one in my leg which is twice its normal size. I am now eating rat poison (Warfarin) and have been shown how to inject myself in the stomach which I had to do yesterday and...

In the spirit of postwar reconciliation I have paid for cards to be placed on each seat in the East stand and Colin Bell lower tiers. As the teams emerge please hold them up in unison - one side will depict a lifelike portrait of Angela Merkel. On the reverse of the Colin Bell cards is spelt out...

Why is this phrase appearing in so many adverts? - BT, Go Compare, now Santander. Where has it come from? It sounds so infantile and grates in the extreme - I immediately assume that whoever utters this woeful expression is a simpering simpleton and adjust the way I am speaking to them. I speak...

I do so wish that whoever is removing the letter Z from the nameplate of Dr Pervez at the medical centre would stop - I find it very unsettling.

Easy mistake to make - why I myself once addressed a roomful of sluts as, 'women.' Thought 'd got away with it but then went on to call them, 'ladies.' The Parish Jam Circle staked me out in the lower pasture covered in honey for the badgers to have their way.

Just had an e-mail from the club informing me that money has been taken from my account for this home match - £43. Can anyone recall what CL prices were for home fixtures last season? NB - I'm NOT complaining, just can't remember them being that much last year. Thanks.

Young American lad from Atlanta who we've just signed - big tall striker I think. Just tweeted him to say he can't wear anything red ever again.

Whilst watching, 'Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy,' on Radio 4, some unkempt oik ,in a scene purporting to be 1972, used a telephone box that was not seen on British streets until April 1974. This is what we have to contend with today - does nobody employed by this pinko rabble care enough about...

Much narrower counter on the concourse East Stand level 1 with two sales points instead of what has been four previously. Luckily I got my £250 punt on Jovetic as first scorer on really early before queues built up.

Two leaflets arrive in the post: the first, 'Mis-selling of PPI,' the second, 'Mis-spelling of PIP.' Do I respond to one or the other, neither or both? if the latter which first?