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On the train home yesterday, a rag father and son combo were in my carriage. Dad rang home during the journey and spoke to another son of his (it was impossible not to hear him). They spoke about the match a bit (Dad hadn't managed to get stay-at-home son a ticket). Then Dad said, "Anyway, guess...

I am very sorry to have to report an extremely sad loss following an incident with a 4x4. This morning, I was climbing into the car which was parked tightly against a wall. My physique isn't quite what it once was and, thus, it was a bit of a squeeze to get in. I had to contort my body in a way...

......has left Burnley, apparently.

At the end of the match,apparently, he ran to the North Stand, absolutely fuming. He was yelling, "We've scored three, kept a clean sheet, through to the semis and you've not waved your flag once! I WANT ANSWERS, BIG MALS CIGAR, I WANT ANSWERS!"

I was in a pub on Friday afternoon and as I looked out of the window, the heavens opened, and there was a torrential downpour. A few minutes later, I heard a voice from the doorway say, "Bloody 'ell, I timed that badly!" and looked around to see a totally soaked Neville Neville. Oh, how I...

......it up, as that material is prone to getting some very stubborn creases if thrown on the floor after wearing. However, if one does get such creases in their shirt, I suggest they use a product such as Vaporesse in their iron. Yours, Boots_ (proud owner of home help badge from cubs)

Like many fans, I sat in a different seat than my usual one last night and, much to my surprise, the bloke sat behind me was talking lots of sense. Given the drivel I have to endure at other matches from the bloke who normally sits behind me, this was a huge shock to my system. I sat in silence...